Communication Essay - Evaluation Appreciated

[Y.Sayed]

With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communications will become a thing of the past.
To what extent do you agree?

Communication is the way people can exchange information with each other. New channels of communication have been introduced in the past decade like instant messaging and communicating via the web. It is refuted that these means of communication will replace face-to-face one. This is attributed to the inability of these ways to convey emotions as well as the likelihood of miscommunication.

Unfortunately, emotions cannot be sent in a message nor expressed via Skype. A true example to prove this point is the Egyptian parents working in the gulf. These parents chose to look for a better opportunity in wealthier countries while their children continue their education in their mother country. Despite the continuous communication through the modern mediums, the kids lost the feeling of paternity. As a result, after years of foreignness, the child became feeling that his father has become a strange person. That is why face-to-face communications can never be compensated.

Although these means were introduced to enhance communication, but the opposite may happen. Miscommunication can occur with double meaning phrases. Great Britain has witnessed increased level of divorce in 2014 in which short messaging was the one to blame. This was a result of the double weapon effect of short messaging service. Thus, face-to-face communication will always be the best way to impart information.

Following the analyzation of the disadvantages of the recent means of communication, it is clear that there is no real substitute for face-to-face one. It is predicted that technology will continue and we may hear about more recent ways in the near future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Oh, what a great question! (With an obvious answer!)

It is refuted? Who is teaching these phrases?

From the introduction, it looks like you have found the obvious answer, though!

First main paragraph - Yes, they can. You can easily see a person's emotions on Skype! Emoticons certainly help with expressing emotions in messages! Your example is good, but not always true.

Second main paragraph - A quick look on the internet reveals nothing about this 'sms causing divorce'. You must be desperate to rely on fake evidence. The conclusion of that paragraph is illogical.

Conclusion - Not proven!

Overall, a pretty disastrous essay. Obvious falsehoods, fake evidence - are you Donald Trump???

Vocabulary and grammar are reasonable, though lacking in range, and are not used to create an effective argument.

All the best,
David

[saqibali]

Try to re-write it again.

Come up with relevant example and equalize the paragraphs in length