how should juvenile delinquency be punished? writing task 2

[adamrahimov]

It is true that the juvenile delinquency has turned into a more serious problem in recent years. Concerning the issue that how teenagers should be punished people have different opinions. As far as I am concerned, I believe that they also should be punished in that vein as adults for the major offences.
Firstly, if we turn a blind eye to the crimes committed by adolescents, it can motive them to break the law. Along these lines, the fixed punishment for major crimes can be regarded as the ultimate deterrent for everybody, particularly for teenagers. Taking into consideration the fact that young persons are more impressionable, the fear can be a crucial factor which prevents them from resorting to crime.
Secondly, making exceptions in the law would be the wrong step to be taken which can undermine government’s authority among people. The more fixed rules, the more obedient citizens government will have. At some point, nobody would like to rely on the law which is full of privileges.
Lastly, if there were discernable differences for the major crimes, it would bring inequality not only to society but also prisons. Adult inmates would demand the same discipline to all outlaws regardless of their age. On the condition that their requests are disapproved, it may result in discrimination to young prisoners in the jails.
For the reasons mentioned above, I firmly believe that there should be the fixed legislations against serious falling foul of the law disregarding that adults or teenagers are responsible for.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Are fixed punishments really the ultimate deterrent? Seems unlikely.

I'm not sure what you mean by making exceptions. There might be good reasons for doing this, but you need to be clear.

The law which is full of privileges? Again, I'm not sure what you mean.

Discernable differences for the major crimes? Sorry, I'm getting completely confused here.

Equality to prisons?

Sorry, but this is an extremely confusing essay. You certainly haven't fully answered the question. Your idea seems to be to put all of them in prison, but is that really a good punishment for a kid who steals a chocolate bar?

Regardless, the confusing vocabulary and lack of clarity of ideas are enough to make this a low scoring essay.

All the best,
David