Please check my essay

[cynix008]

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys.

Growing number of parents tends to buy many toys for their children. Some even buy more than they had in their own childhood. Though toys can help children in developing their cognitive part of mind, but on the other hand it can also hamper children interest in studies. This essay will cover pros and cons of giving our children large number of toys.

First of all with varieties of toys available in market for children such as racing cars, remote control helicopter, talking bear and different color of lego block, children can easily learn about colors, about our world and build their knowledge at a very fast pace. For instance my daughter learned about all the colors with the help of her toys even before she went to school.

On the other hand, having so many toys can hamper children abilities to focus on their studies. As toys give our children the immense joy and pleasure, they spend time playing with them for hours, instead of reading their school books. According to a survey, children on an average spend 3 hours playing with toys on daily basis.
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of parents not to spoil their children, by giving lots of toys. Instead thye should encourage their children to play with their toys after they have finished their school homework.

[gd1234]

Hello cynix008,

I am also a student and I am preparing for my IELTS later this month. One thing that I have learned is that it is a Cardinal Sin to fall short of the required word count. Therefore, first thing I do after finishing my writing practice is to check the word count

I am not qualified enough to check the content of your essay but I curiously check word count of your essay and your essay has ~223 words which is significantly below the requirement.

I am sorry, if you were not expecting an answer from a novice and please ignore my answer in such a scenario.

[cynix008]

Thanks for pointing it out, will be careful on the word count next time. How about the grammar and format of my essay? anyone?

[Flick]

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys.

a growing number of parents tend to buy many toys for their children. Some even buy more than they had in their own childhood. Although toys can help children in developing the cognitive part of the mind, on the other hand, it can also hamper the child's interest in studies. This essay will cover the pros and cons of giving our children a large number of toys.

First of all, with teh varity of toys available in the market for children such as racing cars, remote control helicopters, talking bears and different colored lego blocks, children can easily learn about colors, about our world and build their knowledge at a very fast pace. For instance, my daughter learned about all the colors with the help of her toys even before she went to school.

On the other hand, having so many toys can hamper a child's ability to focus on their studies. As toys give our children immense joy and pleasure, they spend time playing with them for hours, instead of reading their school books. According to a survey, children on an average spend 3 hours playing with toys on a daily basis.

In conclusion, it is the responsibility of parents not to spoil their children by giving them lots of toys. Instead, they should encourage their children to play with their toys after they have finished their school homework.