Please assess my Task 2 General Writing. Thank You!

[antsatno]

Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults work at home and children study at home. Is this a positive or negative development?


Answer:

Computers and internet are tightly coupled. Using the both, we can access huge amount of data by sitting at your home. These data are very precious for a person like student, employee who can use it for their studies, work from home respectively. After the invent of small laptops, powerful tablets, people can do their work or studies on their move. All these clearly points that computer accessibility is a huge positive development to our humanity. 


Before the invention of computer, there is no such thing called "Free online Education". However, after the popularity of computer and internet, we can see this concept raising at a whopping scale. Many popular insititues like MIT, offer open courseware at free of cost over the internet. This valuable data can be accessed by any student all over the world at any time. These courses also provide certifications, which students can enroll themselves. Many students does get jobs at company by showcasing such certificates. All these won't be possible without the accessibility of a computer.

On the other hand, computers and internet made work from home easy. This is really useful for professional people, especially womens. Work from home option is precious for them during their pregnancy period. Using this, they can work without any travel to their office at the same time get paid. This will help them immensely. Also the concept of freelancing arrived only after the increase of computer accessibility. Now there are thousands of people getting paid by working remotely.

From the beginning of the invention of computers they proved to be useful. In the recent days along with Internet, it had given a way for students and working professional to get its benefit by sitting at their home. Such thing is possible due to only the accessibility of a computer.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The introduction is the same length as the second main paragraph.

So, there are no problems with everyone working and studying from home? In that case, why aren't we all doing it?

Freelance workers most certainly did exist before computers!

Grammar is reasonable. There are lots of mistakes and range is limited.

Vocabulary is sometimes incorrect/confusing. You can't enroll in a certification. "[A]ny student ... at any time" - Well, that's not exactly true. First, you need to pay. Second, contrary to your beliefs, not everyone has access to a computer. Moreover, you don't just register and get a certificate - at least not from a reputable establishment.

The language you use is far to simplistic. Where do waiters fit into this 'work from home' utopia? Where do poor African children fit into your 'everyone has a computer' scenario?

All the best,
David

[antsatno]

Hi David,

Thanks for your review. From your statements:

"So, there are no problems with everyone working and studying from home? In that case, why aren't we all doing it?"

I have a question here. Do we need to talk about all the cases? Since I went ahead with agreeing to positive development, I have written only positive arguments. So I have left out the negative points. Do we need to add negative points also in the essay? Am I missing something here? Please clarify.

[Flick]

Computer technologies are more accessible and cheaper, as the result, more adults work at home and children study at home. Is this a positive or negative development?


Answer:

Computers and the internet are tightly coupled. Using both, we can access a huge amount of data by sitting at home. This data is very precious for students and employees, who can use it for their studies or work from home respectively. Since the invention of small laptops and powerful tablets, people can do their work or studies on the move. All these advances clearly show that computer accessibility is a huge positive development for humanity. 


Before the invention of the computer, there was no such thing called "free online education". However, with the popularity of the computer and the internet, we can see this concept becoming increasingly popular. Many popular insititues, like MIT, offer open courseware free of cost over the internet. This valuable data can be accessed by any student anywhere in the world at any time. These courses also provide certifications, which students can earn. Many students get jobs by showcasing such certificates. All this wouldn't be possible without the accessibility of a computer.

On the other hand, computers and the internet make working from home easy. This is really useful for professional people, especially women. Working from home is valuable for them during pregnancy. In this way, they can work without any travel to their office but still get paid. This will help them immensely. Also, the concept of freelancing arrived only after the increase of computer accessibility. Now there are thousands of people getting paid by working remotely.

From the beginning of the invention of computers, they have proved to be useful. In recent days, along with the internet, it has allowed students and working professional to benefit by staying home. Such a thing is possible only due to the accessibility of computers.