Kindly evaluate my essay

[RAGI]

question:\

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses,doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more , especially when other people like film stars and company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work they do?
How far do you agree or disagree?

ANSWER:
The wage disparity between celebrities and professionals has only recently come to the forefront. Some are of the opinion that there is no bias in payments and each profession is rightly paid; however, my personal perspective is that there is an enormous gap between the money earned by artists and medical or academic professionals. In the following paragraphs, I will explore the rationale for both beliefs as well as proffer rationale for my own viewpoint on the matter.
Regarding these who feel that movie stars and company CEO’s condign high salaries there exist valid reasons. The main justification is that the immense pressure upon them to meet the expectations of people and industries is detrimental to their health. For instance, a study in late 2016 from Harvard published that 60% of actors seek medical help to deal with the mental illnesses such as depression. This study also said 45% of company owners suffer from heart attacks at an early age due to their work pressure.
Nevertheless, I cannot hold with that opinion in good conscious. The obvious reason is that professions like doctors and pedagogues not only demand years of hard work but also play a crucial role in generating healthy and erudite young citizen of the country. Then also, they are paid an amount that does not justify the work done by them. For example, my brother, who is an orthopedic surgeon, struggled till the age of 40 by surviving on a salary that was just enough to make ends meet.
In sum, I believe that professors and medical fraternity deserved to be paid higher salaries than movie personalities and industrialist seeing their contribution towards societies. I hope that great changes in mitigating payment differences are on the horizon.

[saqibali]

Grammar need a lot of improvement

[RAGI]

thanks saqibali... could you please elaborate on grammar points that are wrong in my essay?