Reposted: Task 2. Solutions to global warming (attempt 2). Please evaluate

[HelenSun]

Your valueable feedback is needed regarding any mistake, vocabulary range, grammar, response understanding, suggestions to improve and etc.

Are the main ideas relevant and how well are they expanded and supported?
What phrases or sentences are irrelevant and you do not like?

Many thanks in advance

Question:
Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there to this problem.

Response:
Global warming has probably become one of the mayor threats to the environment for today. It is commonly felt that the human factor is the main precursor to global warming. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to tackle this issue.

It is believed by many that human activities around the world can lead to global warming. Take, for example, various industries using fossil fuel and transport with internal-combustion engine. They mainly consume energy, derived as a result of fuel burning. However, this releases carbon gas emissions into the atmosphere and it causes greenhouse effect, promoting the rise in climate temperature worlwide. Hence, if humanity had not invented this way of producing energy, such harmful emissions would not be accumulated in the atmosphere. Another illustration is deforestation. It is known that forests take in carbon as a part of photosynthesis. If trees were not be cutting, less amount of carbon would remain in the atmosphere.

Nevertheless, there is a couple of effective ways which could counter global warming. Firstly, it is suggested to shift from traditional form of energy to renewable one, especially in manufacture. Such form of energy can be generated, for instance, by solar power stations and wind turbines. In addition, combustion engine for vehicle should be replaced by alternative electric one. Applying these solutions, they would hopefully reduce emitting carbon gases into the environment. Secondly, it is proposed to plant new trees and toughen control and penalty for illegal logging which usually happens due to commercial interests. By doing this, more carbon would be stored in forests instead of remaining in the atmosphere.

In conclusion, introducing renewable form of energy in industries and electric engine for vehicle as well as planting new trees and tightening control and punishment for illegal deforestation could be effective ways in dealing with global warming. If these strategies were applied everywhere in the world, it might help decline this global problem.

[HelenSun]

Reposted, please have a look

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, this essay is quite good.

Introduction - Good.

First main paragraph - Clear points with some development.

Second main paragraph - You don't say why we haven't shifted to alternative energy already. The logging points are flawed. First, there already are penalties and a lot of replanting. You need to explain these points in more detail. (In fact, the land covered by forests is increasing due to commercial logging and replanting and movement of populations to cities.)

Conclusion - Good.

So, just a bit of work needed on the solutions. Grammar and vocabulary are good, but I think a wider range of grammatical structures (conditionals!) would be nice!

All the best,
David