Could you give your feedback on my essay task 2. Thanks a lot!

[meir]

Question:
Prison is the best punishment for criminals. Discuss.

Answer:
These days, sending criminals to prison is one of the most controversial methods of punishment. According to statistics, many people vote exactly for this opinion. However, I totally disagree with this opinion. In this essay, I will explain why with relevant examples.
First of all, today`s prisons are very corruptive, especially in my country, Kazakhstan. People who have money are allowed to use luxuries like TV and videogames. Additionally, in some jails chief cookers bring meals to rich inmates. In my opinion, prison should not be like holiday camp for special persons and government should do something to fight with corruption in prisons. If we take murderers in mind, I think that person who have taken a life from someone, should have to be sentenced to capital punishment.
Secondly, people who have committed petty crimes should not be sent to prisons. It will be better to sentence them to community services. In my view, government should not let such criminals to rub shoulders with serious murderers and rapists.
On the other side, there are different helpful programs offered by many governmental prisons. For example, criminals who study, work and behave well are allowed to leave out earlier. Moreover, usually such people rarely commit the crimes again.
In conclusion, though popular belief, sending to prisons is not a great option of punishment for each kind of crime. In my view, today`s jails have problems with corruption and they are not strict enough for serious criminals like murderers and rapists. I hope that this situation will change soon.

Thanks a lot!)

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is actually quite a good essay.

I like the way that you have looked at different types of criminals, which is almost essential in this essay, though few people do it. The second and third main paragraphs need a little more development, however. (Notice that they are much shorter than the first.) Simply develop the ideas that you have already mentioned - these are good points!

Vocabulary is very good, with some crime-specific words. Grammatical range is good, but accuracy is mediocre.

Overall, develop ideas and work on grammatical accuracy. However, this is a better essay than most I have seen on this topic! Not bad at all!

David

[saqibali]

I suggest you can bring tremendous improvements by just following up Ryan structure. Let me know if you need link of relevant videos.

[meir]

I suggest you can bring tremendous improvements by just following up Ryan structure. Let me know if you need link of relevant videos.

Thanks a lot. I will be very grateful if you send links to the videos you have mentioned.

[Flick]

Question:
Prison is the best punishment for criminals. Discuss.

Answer:
Nowadays, sending criminals to prison is one of the most controversial methods of punishment. According to statistics, many people support this opinion. However, I totally disagree with this statement. In this essay, I will explain why with relevant examples.

First of all, today`s prisons are very corrupt, especially in my country, Kazakhstan. People who have money are allowed to use luxuries like TV and videogames. Additionally, in some jails, chefs bring meals to rich inmates. In my opinion, prison should not be like a holiday camp for special persons, and the government should do something to fight corruption in prisons. If we take murderers, for example, I think that someone who has taken a life should be sentenced to capital punishment.

Secondly, people who have committed petty crimes should not be sent to prisons. It will be better to sentence them to community service. In my view, the government should not let such criminals rub shoulders with serious murderers and rapists.

On the other side, there are various helpful programs offered by many governmental prisons. For example, criminals who study, work and behave well are allowed to leave earlier. Moreover, usually such people rarely commit crimes again.

In conclusion, although it is a popular belief, sending people to prison is not a great option of punishment for each kind of crime. In my view, today`s jails have problems with corruption and they are not strict enough for serious criminals like murderers and rapists. I hope that this situation will change soon.