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Elseady2014
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Please , I need your feed back .. ThanK you in advance

Post by Elseady2014 »

with the progressive development of scientific research, it would be possible for people to live up to 150 years. Although some argue that it will be beneficial for people, it is thought that it has negative output to the society at large. Both the the pros and cons of such achievement will be discussed in the essay.


Apparently , there are many positive effects of living for such long years, like experiencing more different lifestyles and as a result people will be able to achieve more success in their career such as for doctors, musicians and businessmen. For example, if Edison lived longer, he would probably invent more for humanity. Another merit of living longer is that people will have the chance to spend more time with their loved family and friends and to watch their children and grandchildren grow to old age.


On the other hand, there are more risks of such development. Firstly, body organs of older people will not be able to work efficiently in later years, thus will make them more prone to suffer from serious illnesses like geriatric diseases which could be severely painful and distressing such as , Arthritis. Another drawback of this development is that it will place a pressure on the social welfare services and as a result more taxes have to be paid by the young active citizens.


In conclusion, i think the risks of living for 150 years far outweigh the benefits and both of them have to be taken into considerations in scientific research.
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David.IELTS.Examiner
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Re: Please , I need your feed back .. ThanK you in advance

Post by David.IELTS.Examiner »

Hello!

Excellent question!

Good introduction!

First main paragraph - More different lifestyles? Achieve more success - yes, but what if you are a poor Indian beggar?

Second main paragraph - Excellent point. Overuse of 'will' however.

Overall, still a good essay. Vocabulary and grammar are good, though grammatical range could be improved (conditionals!).

Good, but could easily be very good!
David
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Flick
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Re: Please , I need your feed back .. ThanK you in advance

Post by Flick »

Elseady2014 wrote: Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:57 pm With the progressive development of scientific research, it may soon be possible for people to live up to 150 years. Although some argue that this will be beneficial for people, it is thought that it could have a negative impact on the society at large. Both the the pros and cons of such an achievement will be discussed in the essay.


There are many positive effects of living for so many years, like experiencing various lifestyles. As a result, people will be able to achieve more success in their career such as for doctors, musicians and businessmen. For example, if Edison had lived longer, he would probably have invented more for humanity. Another merit of living longer is that people will have the chance to spend more time with their family and friends, watching their children and grandchildren grow to old age.


On the other hand, there are some risks to such a development. Firstly, the organs of older people will not work efficiently in their later years, which will make them more prone to suffer from serious illnesses which could be severely painful and distressing, such as arthritis. Another drawback of this development is that it will place pressure on the social welfare services and as a result, more taxes have to be paid by the younger, active citizens.


In conclusion, I think the risks of living for 150 years far outweigh the benefits, and both have to be taken into consideration in scientific research.

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