Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree?

[jewelewu]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree? (Kindly evaluate task 2 general , I am struggling for band 6.5)

It is often argued that more advantages to use computer by our children every day even if it doesn’t positive effect at all. I completely agree with this option and think that computer is more negative effect on our children.

First of all I believe that using of computer every day by children can cause of eye and health problem. All the time look at the computer screen can cause severe health problem for children. For example, children’s are mostly like to play computer games and they are very much addicted with them and most of the time they forget to take food on time as well as did not take proper rest. Sometime vast using of computer causes serious effect on physical structure of children's body. For example back pain, neck paint and many more. That's why we should protect our children to use computer in everyday.

Secondly, computer can effect bad impact of our children if they use is negatively. For example browsing of adult site, watch horror movies, Facebook and other social network can be negative impact on children’s mind and keep away from their study and very difficult to build a prosperous future life. Now a days without computer no one can live and every step of life it is necessary and it’s true but at early stages of life it can be harmful for children as well and very difficult to recover if it occurred.

To conclude, though computer have lot of positive side but I strongly believe that children should away using computer every day to protect their life from imperfect attitude.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The first sentence of the introduction doesn't make sense - even if it has no positive effects? And the second sentence is confusing.

First main paragraph - Yes, but any activity that requires people to look at something for a long time, e.g. reading, can hurt the eyes. This is a problem that is easily solved by taking breaks. Most kids do take breaks from playing computer games.

Second main paragraph - True, but this can be resolved quite easily through parental control.

Conclusion - Imperfect? Show me anyone who has a perfect attitude!

This is an unconvincing essay. You place all children in one category. Points are weak or easily countered. There are numerous basic grammar mistakes and vocabulary can make parts of the essay difficult to understand.

All the best,
David