Need another vet on Open space topic

[Xbb]

Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion.
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Nowadays, the ascent of open-space design can be widely seen among modern architectures such as schooling and working premises. It is argued by some that this dominance is crucial for such places. While I accept that certain benefits can be earned when harnessing this tendency, I am more convinced by the opinion that it is more disadvantageous considering the high level of distractions it may cause.

On the one hand, open design can foster mutual communications among groups of students and employees. For instance, my university library has witnessed a huge surge of group conversations among students when the university management removed the partitioning walls between indoor sections. In fact, students find visiting library less stressful and more convenient for their group talks on a wide range of topics related to their study fields. As a result, the quality of discussions in those modern places has been significantly heightened. In addition, a similar result could be witnessed when applying minimal partitioning walls in a variety of modern working offices. The management boards of those companies claim that the frequency and outcome of collaborative activities among staff has been considerably improved when they face less physical barriers of communication. Those examples have thus made clear that open spaces can efficiently boost group collaborations in schools and offices.

On the other hand, I am more persuaded that the aforementioned benefits can generate numerous distracting noises and make the educational and working processes less productive. It can be exemplified by the increasing number of complaints among my university learners that they now barely can visit the renovated school library to work on in-depth researches which are vital for their learning curve due to excessive noises caused by other peers. Moreover, for those having no other obvious places to learn and having to reside within such place, they find numerous difficulties to focus on their work and eventually end up leaving the place with limited learning results. Additionally, the rampancy of ambient noises could also be seen in many working premises with abundant open spaces. In such distracting places where employees can easily start open discussions with uncontrolled volumes, many managers complain that their staff’s reports on important projects tend to be more error-prone, which is likely due to their increased vulnerability to noises when analyzing data. It is therefore evident that open space can make noises rampant then subsequently decrease the efficiency of students and workers.

In conclusion, I personally believe that the prevalence of open spaces in buildings of schools and offices can bring severely detrimental effects to the productivity of learners and workers. I hope that contemporary architects can generate new ideas to mitigate this trend’s demerits in order to foster its substantial development.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - ascent? dominance? harnessing?

First main paragraph - Isn't a library supposed to be quiet place? (Maybe that's changed since I was at uni!).

Second main paragraph - Well, you are fully entitled to your own opinion, but I would point out that if the scientific evidence is against you (you first main paragraph, last 2 sentences) and you still insist on your opinion despite that "clear" evidence, then you might not be approaching this topic from a reasonable point of view. (And are you saying that students live in libraries?! - "having to reside in such place")

Overall, ideas are not expressed clearly. In the conclusion you fail to explain why your opinion is the opposite of the "clear" evidence.

Vocabulary is often used incorrectly or 'weirdly' - see my examples just from the introduction.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion.
------------------------------------------- ******************************** ------------------------------------

Nowadays, the popularity of open-space design can be widely seen in modern buildings such as schools and working premises. It is argued by some that this dominance is crucial for such places. While I accept that certain benefits can be earned when adopting this trend, I am more convinced by the opinion that it is more disadvantageous considering the high level of distractions it may cause.

On the one hand, an open design can foster communication between groups of students or employees. For instance, my university library has witnessed a huge surge of group conversations among students when the university management removed the partitioning walls between indoor sections. In fact, students find visiting the library less stressful and more convenient for their group talks on a wide range of topics related to their field of study. As a result, the quality of discussions in those modern places has been significantly improved. In addition, a similar result could be witnessed when applying minimal partitioning walls in a variety of modern working offices. The management boards of those companies claim that the frequency and outcome of collaborative activities among staff has been considerably improved when they face fewer physical barriers of communication. Those examples have thus made clear that open spaces can efficiently boost group collaboration in schools and offices.

On the other hand, I am more persuaded that the aforementioned benefits can generate numerous distracting noises and make the educational and working processes less productive. This can be exemplified by the increasing number of complaints at my university that students now barely visit the renovated school library to work on in-depth research which is vital for their studies due to excessive noise caused by their peers. Moreover, for those having no other obvious places to study, they have difficulty focusing on their work and eventually end up leaving the place with limited learning results. Additionally, the rampancy of ambient noise can also be seen in many working premises with abundant open spaces. In such distracting places where employees can easily start open discussions with uncontrolled volumes, many managers complain that their staff’s reports on important projects tend to be more error-prone, which is likely due to their increased vulnerability to noise when analyzing data. It is therefore evident that open space can make noise rampant, which subsequently decreases the efficiency of students and workers.

In conclusion, I personally believe that the prevalence of open spaces in schools and offices can cause severely detrimental effects on the productivity of learners and workers. I hope that contemporary architects can generate new ideas to mitigate this trend’s demerits in order to foster its substantial development.