Task 2 review needed: Better pay for professional workers?

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Some people believe that professional workers like doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and relevant examples.
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People have different views on the concerns of whether professional practitioners like medical practitioners and educators should earn higher paycheck than sports athletes and entertainment stars. Personally, I argue that professional individuals should be better-paid and will share examples to prove this.

Firstly, it is a global practice that professional practitioners have to undergo stricter educating processes with longer duration than any others. For instance, the compulsory curriculum of a medical student could last more than seven years including an array of practice fulfillment while the corresponding timespan for a future teacher would require more than five years with hours of class teaching. On the paradox, the breeding time of a singing talent or a short-distance sprinter would usually last less than two years due to the fact that their performing capabilities are majorly based on innate faculties rather than rigorous trainings. Thus, it is clear that doctors and teachers should be more highly rewarded than others, including celebrities, owing to the rigorous training progresses they have to fulfill.

Secondly, highly-skilled experts’ jobs significantly influence other people’s life. Clearly that a doctor’s skills and techniques are proven be vital to patients’ life and health conditions as well as the knowledge imparting and career orientating role of teachers to their learners’ future career paths is significantly constructive. Paradoxically, the impacts of celebrities such as Michael Jackson or Susan Boyle to their audience would typically remain sole relaxation while those of sports athletes like Usan Bolt or David Beckham have on their supporters are mere inspiration and excitement. All the aforementioned impacts from sports and celebrity world could be considered less significant than that of professionals, thus, it is prudent to pay doctors and teachers larger sums of earnings.

In conclusion, I personally believe that professional workers such as medical practitioners and educators should earn better enumerations than that of athletes and celebrities owing to the formers’ stricter educating processes and significantly influence on other people’s life.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, this is a good essay. Points are clear and developed with examples. Vocabulary and grammar are both good, though the range of both is a little limited and there are mistakes. However, these mistakes do not interfere with meaning. Organisation of the overall essay and the main paragraphs is very good.

All the best,
David

[Xbb]

Many thanks, David.
Xbb

[Flick]

Some people believe that professional workers like doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and relevant examples.
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People have different views on the concerns of whether professional practitioners like medical practitioners and educators should earn a higher salary than sports athletes and entertainment stars. Personally, I argue that professional individuals should be better-paid and will share examples to support this.

Firstly, it is a global practice that medical professionals and teachers have to undergo stricter educating processes with a longer duration than any field. For instance, the compulsory curriculum of a medical student could last more than seven years, including an array of practice fulfillment, while the corresponding timespan for a future teacher would require more than five years with hours of class teaching. Compared to this, the breeding(<--I don't understand. What do you mean 'breeding'?) time of a singing talent or a short-distance sprinter would usually last less than two years due to the fact that their performing capabilities are majorly based on innate faculties rather than rigorous training.(<--This is a complete different debate: Nature vs. Nurture.) Thus, it is clear that doctors and teachers should be more highly rewarded than others, including celebrities, owing to the rigorous training they have to complete.

Secondly, highly-skilled experts’ jobs significantly influence other people’s lives. Clearly a doctor’s skills and techniques are proven be vital to patients’ life and health conditions, and the knowledge-imparting role of teachers is significantly constructive. Paradoxically, the impacts of celebrities such as Michael Jackson or Susan Boyle on their audience would typically be short term enjoyment, while those of sports athletes like Usan Bolt or David Beckham is inspiration and excitement. All the aforementioned impacts from sports and celebrity could be considered less significant than that of professionals. Thus, it is prudent to pay doctors and teachers larger salaries.

In conclusion, I personally believe that professional workers such as medical practitioners and educators should earn better pay than that of athletes and celebrities owing to the formers’ stricter educating processes and significant influence on other people’s lives.