Reposting Task 2 Esaay. Kindly Evaluate :)

[Y.Sayed]

Topic:
Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single.
Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Answer:
Every day people are looking for interviews as they are constantly seeking better opportunities in their career. The content of the interviews differs from a boss to another and from a company to another. Some people are used to asking questions related to the personal life while others see that this is something meddling. In this essay we will discuss the two points of view.
Supporters see that work is strongly affected by personal interests. For example, when candidates in the interviews are asked about which sports they prefer, you may probably find that some number of them say that they prefer playing tennis or horse riding, while they hate being engaged in a football or a basketball match. This may give a strong indication that this person is unwilling to be in a team work, and he best performs only in individual tasks. Because of this, it is clear why many people insist to know more about candidates’ private lives.
Opponents tend to avoid these details as they see they are totally confidential. Take marriage as an example. They feel that it is extremely annoying for the nominee to be asked about his marriage or any similar relationships. They may find that this is a form of invasion in people’s lives .This clearly shows why they are unlikely to ask such questions in interviews.
After analyzing the two sides of the argument, I believe that the second one is more appealing to me, as it is only a matter of performance. Employers have no right to get into details about personal issues, and the candidate has the full right to refuse to answer such ridiculous questions. The employer’s only right is to ensure that this applicant will perform best in his role, nothing more. It is recommended that interviewers would consider privacy in their interviews in the future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I like the introduction and first main paragraph.

The second main paragraph is not so developed.

The conclusion is quite long, but the big problem is that you do not say why the problems outweigh the advantages. You mention 'performance' which is surely a key thing that employers are interested in?

Vocabulary is good. Grammatical range is limited but accuracy is not too bad.

Overall, the main problem is the conclusion.

All the best,
David