Please evaluate and rate my Essay1

[Ghost]

Topic: Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

Indubitably, since time immemorial, public libraries has been the prime source of knowledge. Readers often get access to books from public libraries in order to keep themselves aligned with the latest information. However, in the recent past, public libraries have started utilizing their limited resources on expensive digital media rather than the books. Although contested by many, it is argued that this is not a waste. It will be efficiently proven by analyzing how digital media can both ease the access of information and make knowledge sharing very interesting.

Firstly, by changing from the traditional book on the shelf to the high-tech media would open up avenues for "on-the-run" access of information. For instance, any person looking for a certain information need not visit the library, and it can be accessed very easily on their mobile/laptop via advanced media, such as online e-books, software, and DVDs. It is agreed that this kind of on-demand data availability would actually catalyze to the user ease. Thus, it is very evident that utilization of limited resources of a public library on digital media will not be worthless.

Secondly, by transforming a traditional library into a digital one, the information sharing would progressively become interesting. For example, numerous studies around the globe have consistently found that any individual is more attracted towards images, videos, and animation over a plain text. As digital media relied upon these interesting entities of knowledge transfer, it is apparent why readers find digital media more exciting. Hence, it is very clear that the resources of public library won't be wasted if utilized for making them digital.

In conclusion, the data availability and the interesting mode of knowledge sharing are the salient features correlated with the digital media of public libraries. Hence, it can be safely deduced that the wealth of public libraries which is being used for making them advanced and digitalised is not going in vain. It is also expected that in the foreseeable future an increasing number of traditional libraries would transform themselves and step into the digital world.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The introduction is the same length as the main paragraphs.

The main arguments are good, with some development. However, the range of grammar is limited. On the other hand, vocabulary is good with some high-level items used correctly, e.g. on the run, avenues, digital media/world.

And then we have another conclusion without a personal opinion! (Who is teaching this?!)

Change the conclusion!!!! Short introductions!!!

All the best,
David

[Ghost]

Hi David,

Thanks much for your kind evaluation!

All your points are duly noted and would be incorporated in my subsequent writings. However, I have few more things which I would like to have an idea on. Hence, it would be great if you can share some light on the following points:

1. I have noticed that you have mentioned for quite a few writers (including me) that the conclusions are without personal opinion. By this do you mean we need to write something like: "As far as my opinion is concerned....", "As per me....", etc to mention our opinion? I was under the impression that in academic writings in order to sound more professional we should avoid usage of any personal pronoun. Please let me know otherwise.

2. It would be very helpful if you could comment on my grammatical accuracy, as I feel that is my weakest point as far as writing is concerned.

Thanks once again.