Please asses my writing task 2

[firefox2020]

A serious problem affecting countries right across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses.
Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem?
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Today, water scarcity has become an increasing issue in different parts of the world. Many people, mainly in underdeveloped countries, have not access to clean water for their daily needs. This essay will examine the causes of this issue in detail, and then propose some solutions.

One of the main causes of water shortages is climate change. In the past century, the world temperature has risen significantly and this increase has affected weather patterns tremendously all over the world. As a result, precipitation has dropped considerably, especially in countries with arid climates. To address this issue, governments should introduce some legislations in order to restrict the consumption of fossil fuels in transportation and industry. The reason is that the greenhouse gases have been recognized as the main cause of climate change and a decrease in using fossil fuels would probably slow down this negative trend.

Another issue is the excessive water consumption in industries and also agriculture. That is to say, water is not being used optimally in factories and farms, and huge amounts of that is being wasted. For example, in Iran, the agriculture and industry sectors account for more than 95% of overall water consumption throughout the country, due to traditional methods of production. The answer is for the governments to put more resources into these sectors so as to modernize the production methods as well as equipment, which are being employed by farmers and manufacturers.

Overall, based on the given reasoned arguments, although it is clear that lack of water resources is an increasing issue across the globe, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle this problem. Governments should take the lead in dealing with this problem, otherwise more countries would suffer from that in the future.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Climate change - Grrr! Anyway, even climate change fanatics agree that rain will increase in some areas, so at the very least, you need to be more specific. (And before any climate change people leap in, the number one greenhouse gas is water vapour, which will not be reduced by switching from fossil fuels.)

The second main paragraph introduces a good point, but again, it's not well-developed, e.g. 'traditional methods of production'?!

Overall, not a bad essay, but there's really not much here.Vocabulary is good, but not used convincingly. There is little grammatical range although accuracy is good.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

A serious problem affecting countries right across the globe is the lack of water for drinking, washing and other household uses.
Why do many countries face water shortages, and what could be done to alleviate the problem?
=======================================================================

Today, water scarcity is becoming an increasing issue in various parts of the world. Many people, mainly in underdeveloped countries, do not have access to clean water for their daily needs. This essay will examine the causes of this issue in detail, and then propose some solutions.

One of the main causes of water shortages is climate change. Over the past century, the world temperature has risen significantly and this increase has affected weather patterns tremendously all over the world. As a result, precipitation has dropped considerably, especially in countries with arid climates. To address this issue, governments should introduce some legislation in order to restrict the consumption of fossil fuels in transportation and industry. The reason is that greenhouse gases have been recognized as the main cause of climate change and a decrease in fossil fuel use would probably slow down this negative trend.

Another issue is the excessive water consumption in industries and agriculture. That is to say, water is not being used optimally in factories and farms, and huge amounts of that is being wasted. For example, in Iran, the agriculture and industry sectors account for more than 95% of overall water consumption throughout the country, due to traditional methods of production. The answer is for the governments to put more resources into these sectors so as to modernize the production methods as well as equipment, which are being employed by farmers and manufacturers.

Overall, based on the given arguments, although it is clear that lack of water resources is an increasing issue across the globe, it is undoubtedly possible to start to tackle this problem. Governments should take the lead in dealing with this problem, otherwise more countries will suffer in the future.

[firefox2020]

Hello!

Thank you so much for your feedback!