task2 essay please evaluate my essay aim band 7

[Marwa1981]

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT GOVERNOMENT NEED TO DO MORE TO PREVENT DAMAGE TO THE ENVIRONMENT .
TO WHAT eXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITHTHIS STATEMENT?
it is argued that authorities should be more involved in the protection of the environment from damage. This essay agrees with this statement because governments are obligated to protect the natural resources in the country and to enforce sufficient environment protection laws. This will be analyzed in details to reach a reasonable conclusion.
There is no aim in denying that authorities have moral commitments to protect different natural resources for the coming generations. When major projects are planned all regulations and opinions of the local community should be considered to protect the environment. For example, several industrial projects near the cost of the red sea are cancelled by the ministry of environment to protect the coral reefs from damage by pollution. Because coral reefs may need hundreds of years to recover after destruction.
Additionally, governments have the ability to impose laws and regulations to hinder environmental damage. Different sentences from fines to imprisonment should be used against individuals who cause destruction to the natural resources. This may act as a deterrent to prevent people from damaging the environment. This extends from the simple actions which are harmful to the natural resources to the major intended environmental crimes. For example, in Netherland local authorities in the city of Amsterdam impose 150 euro fine for individuals who throw papers on the streets, so the streets are clean all the time.
In conclusion, once again I state my opinion that, authorities should contribute more for prevention of environmental damage due to moral commitment towards next generations and the ability they have by the power of law.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is quite good, but you have missed a key word in the question statement - 'more'. This means that you need to be looking at things governments are not doing, but could be doing.

Vocabulary is good, with some nice topic-specific pieces, e.g. coral reefs. Grammar is not too bad, but there a lot of basic errors. However, there are some good attempts at complex structures.

Overall, this could be made into a very good essay with some changes, although it might take more effort to improve your grammar.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT GOVERNMENT NEED TO DO MORE TO PREVENT DAMAGE TO THE ENVIRONMENT.
TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

It is argued that authorities should be more involved in the protection of the environment from damage. This essay agrees with this statement because governments are obligated to protect the natural resources of the country and to enforce sufficient environment protection laws. This will be analyzed in detail before a reasonable conclusion is reached.

The government has a moral duty to protect natural resources for the coming generations. When major projects are planned, all regulations and opinions of the local community should be considered to protect the environment. For example, several industrial projects near the coast of the Red Sea have been cancelled by the Ministry of Environment to protect the coral reefs from damage by pollution because coral reefs may need hundreds of years to recover after destruction.

Additionally, governments have the ability to impose laws and regulations to hinder environmental damage. Different punishments from fines to imprisonment should be used against individuals who cause destruction to the natural resources. This may act as a deterrent to prevent people from damaging the environment. This extends from simple actions which are harmful to nature, to the major, intentional environmental crimes. For example, in the Netherlands, local authorities in the city of Amsterdam impose a 150 euro fine for individuals who publicly litter, so the streets are clean all the time.

In conclusion, once again I state my opinion that authorities should contribute more to the prevention of environmental damage due to their moral commitment towards future generations, and the ability they have by the power of law.