Kindly evalute task2

[Marwa1981]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that skilled sports people and musicians are born with these skills. While others say any child can be trained to excel in art and sport. While talented people may carry this trait in their genes. I personally believe that hard work and expert mentor can transfer a child to a champion or an artist. Both perspectives will be analysed to reach a reasonable conclusion.
On the one hand, talented people in art and sport may carry these characteristics in their genetic materials.Therefore, they can win their competitions or produce a perfect piece of music or art easily.By studying the human DNA, scientists discovered genes which might be responsible for our skills and talents. Hence, the link between personal trait and excelling in a specific field is obvious among supporters of this notion.
On the other hand, children can learn different types of sports and art by dedicated teachers. By training and specialised advice. Youngsters will gain the skills and methods to become experts in their fields. Therefore, sports clubs in a different part of the world establish beginners schools. These schools nurture the abilities of children to become the future team members. Not only this occurs in sport but also art and music. Considerable numbers of these young people may become superstars in the foreseeable future.
In conclusion, although some individuals have the talents which make them unique sports people or excellent artists, I believe that a continuous work and a careful guidance might create great musicians and notable sportspeople.


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[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Basically, a good essay. I think that the points could be a little more developed, but you have included some supporting sentences.

Grammatical range is a little limited and there are some mistakes, though these do not generally affect meaning. Vocabulary is good, with a few higher level items used correctly - foreseeable future, trait, human DNA, mentor.

So, if you want a higher score, develop the points and work on grammar.

All the best,
David