I need your feedback in Task 2 essay! please

[Aky]

#12
Today more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that the benefits of this outweigh the problems ?

These days, it seems that plethora of students are opting to move to a different country for higher education or studies. However, there remains some disagreements as to whether the overall effects of this choices have been positive or negative. While there seems to be potential risks for those students who are deciding to study in a foreign country, I personally feel that the possible advantages of this trend may outweigh its drawbacks. In the following essay, I will explain those benefits and suggest examples to back up my opinion.

Firstly, there is no denying that students who are making an attempt to continue higher education in a foreign country might bring a lot of opportunities, ranging from modern teaching standards and foreign language environments to employment possibilities. In many Asian countries, for example, today more adults have a strong desire to study their higher education predominantly in European countries because many students realize the possible benefits of it. In those cases, it is commonly understood that studying abroad may open the doors of possibilities. Therefore, this makes it clear that the benefits of this trend far outweigh its disadvantages.

Secondly, not purely higher education standards or job opportunities, students can get but also there remains still two essential advantages for students. It is common goal that everyone wants to broaden his or her horizon. In this case, students need to carry on their studies in a foreign countries’ institutions, meaning that studying abroad undoubtedly will enable students to improve their outlook on life. Furthermore, last but not least, studying abroad can be the key possibility to practice or even progress foreign language for the time being. For example, today many people agree that the best way to master foreign language is the native country of that country. Thus, those benefits make it clear that there are more advantages of allowing students to study in a different country than possible drawbacks.

To sum up, once again it appears to me that there seems to have more advantages for students in terms of higher teaching systems and job opportunities than the problems.
(351 words)
thanks you very much !!!!

[ted_ielts]

Hi! I've corrected your opening paragraph:

These days, it seems that there is a plethora of students opting to move to a different country to pursue higher education or further studies. However, there remains some disagreements as to whether the overall effects of this choices have been positive or negative. While there are potential risks for those students who decide to study in a foreign country, I personally feel that the possible advantages of this decision outweigh its drawbacks. In the following essay, I will explain those benefits and suggest examples to back up my opinion.