REPOST: Please evaluate and rate my Essay2

[Ghost]

Topic:
How important is dress code in our lives?
Do you consider that dressing appropriately is important or are you of the opinion that everyone should ab able to wear what they like?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Response:
Indubitably, the dress is an integral part of any culture or society. The attire of an individual speaks volume about both his/her personality and social status. Although contested by many, it is argued that getting dressed properly is very much important. The impression created by dressing and the sense of equality brought up by following the dress code can very easily prove the importance of proper dressing.

Firstly, since time immemorial, the attire is the primary aspect used to judge any human being. Take Narayan Murty, the founder of Infosys, for example. During his early days in Infosys, he was rejected quite a few times by multiple clients. The reason was his casual dressing sense. After few rejections, gradually he learned the importance of formal dressing and made it a mandate for all of his employees. This example clearly states how an individual's attire is correlated to his/her personality. Hence, it is very evident why proper dressing is always necessary.

Secondly, employing a dress code creates an environment of equality. For instance, most of the schools implement dress code so that the students irrespective of their family's financial status, are compelled to wear the same dress. This in a way helps in creating a sense of equality among all the students of that school. This example makes it clear why dressing as per the rules is always a must.

After analyzing the above points, it can be easily concluded that dressing properly, as per the policy both creates a lasting impressing as well as provides a sense of equality. Thus, the attire should be as per the rules. Moreover, it is also expected that in the foreseeable future, following the benefits of proper dressing, subsequently, a higher number of organizations and schools will follow the footsteps of their predecessors.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

'Indubitably'?

Your example in the first main paragraph may or may not show a link to personality. Did he switch clothes in order to become rich?

Your second example does work at schools, but what about elsewhere? Do CEOs wear the same clothes as their cleaners? Does this actually express INequality?

Conclusion - 'as per the rules' - What if there are no rules? Who makes the rules? What if I don't like the rules?

Overall, vocabulary is not used to create a convincing argument and the range of grammatical structures is limited.

The examples do not clearly illustrate points.

All the best,
David