please task 2 exam is coming soon

[luke Thompson]

some people think that parks are not needed anymore
do you agree or disagree


Today,with an increasing globalization,there are special areas set aside for all members of society to enjoy in many conurbations.National parks and playgrounds for children are bringing sheer enjoyment for everybody.But,However, there is widespreadly controversial claim that it would be better idea,if people are accommodated in these areas.In my firm conviction,parks are set to be an integral part of our daily life.in this essay,I will support my concern before a reasoned conclusion is drawn.
We can reap several benefits by retaining green areas,firstly,parklands provide a communal area For people Who may otherwise live an apartments or small houses without access to garden.it is medically proven that time spent outdoors has some health benefits , not only exercises or fresh air but also mental health.
Another worth noting thing is that increasing population in urban parts of country might pose some negative subsidiary problems,such as pressure on sanitation or water supply.Obviuosly,replacing parks with houses may only compound the existing problem.In Mexico ,as a salient example,the population is dense and delivery of fresh water is under extreme pressure.
On the other hand,as our lifestyles has been more advanced than ever before,relocating some people to urban parts especially to additional land provides people with greater access to job facilities.In other words, additional land will need to be used for housing and this needs to be sourced near the place of work to avoid excess travel.
In conclusion,the idea of demolishing parks should no longer be supported due to lack of substantial advantages.instead,under no circumstances should green areas be maintained even expanded wherever possible.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is quite a good essay. Your points are clear and each has some development. However, I do note - yet again!!! - that the introduction is longer than the main paragraphs.

The introduction and conclusion are not as good as the main paragraphs. you fail to explain how parks are an integral part of our lives. If parks are so enjoyed by everybody, then who is trying to get rid of them? The conclusion doesn't match the essay - second sentence. I'm assuming this due to poor grammar.

Vocabulary is good, but grammar is not. There are numerous errors, some of which interfere with meaning.

All the best,
David