Some people argue that the best way to improve people’s health is to provide the more physical activities’ equipment, while others reckon it is insufficient and other steps should be taken by either officials or public. Although allocating more budgets could be a one solution, this essay agrees other efforts should be considered to maximizing public health- both mentally (e.g. cognition) and physically (e.g. cardiovascular capacity). This essay will discuss both viewpoints before drawing a conclusion.
One opinion is that by providing more sport equipment for public, a greater numbers of people will be taking part in physical activity. They believe that the poor public health has root in failure of providing adequate sport facilities by government body. Although this may be correct in some cases (e.g. rural area), this figure cannot be utilized for urban life. Previously, researchers in Tehran- one of the densely crowded cities in the word- found no relationship between participating in exercise and the availability of sport equipment. This suggested method therefore has some limitations and cannot meet the requirements of promoting public health.
Others however intend there are several measures that can be taken in order to enhance public health. The first is that, in addition to increase sport equipment, people should be aware of consequences of poor health condition by either government or themselves. In a same way, governments should also teach the public how to use these facilities as well as the benefits of each equipment for them. For example, which equipment is best for improving cardio capacity and which one is great for enhancing strength.
To conclude, considering the aforementioned factors, while allocating a greater amount of money could be a one step, this essay reaffirms its position that other measure should be taken in order to improve people’s health in an efficient way.
Kindly evaluate this essay task 2
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David.IELTS.Examiner
- IELTS Examiner
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Re: Kindly evaluate this essay task 2
Hello!
The introduction and the second main paragraph are the same length.
The points seem to be reasonable and there is some development of them.
Vocabulary is good, with some specific topic-related items, e.g. cardiovascular, cognition, enhancing strength.
Grammar is very good, both in terms of range and accuracy.
Overall, i suggest making more precise points, but overall, not bad at all!
All the best,
David
The introduction and the second main paragraph are the same length.
The points seem to be reasonable and there is some development of them.
Vocabulary is good, with some specific topic-related items, e.g. cardiovascular, cognition, enhancing strength.
Grammar is very good, both in terms of range and accuracy.
Overall, i suggest making more precise points, but overall, not bad at all!
All the best,
David