Please assess my writing

[nidhi2308]

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment.

What do you think can be done to solve the problem?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:
It is an irrefutable fact that trees and plants are the only living objects that release oxygen as their by-product. Oxygen is the prime factor responsible for life on earth. However, in the past few decades, because of human activities, the number of trees are cut down, forests are cleared for both residential and commercial reasons, which as a result has an adverse effect on the environment as well as the climate of the world. This mass clearance of tress is the major cause behind deforestation.

Being mindful of the above stated facts, Government of the all the nations should collaborate and take action against the defaulters responsible for the illegal land clearing activities. Apart from the measures taken by the government authorities, individuals must also take appropriate steps ensuring reduction in chopping of trees.

Owing to the current scenario, at the very outset, people should adopt the policy of resuse, recycle of paper and other products obtained from trees, It is undeniable that trees are the only alternative to produce wood and hence cutting cannot be completely barred. Nevertheless, one should plant two tress when cut down one. Furthermore, forest area is also cleared to accommodate more and more population, therefore, population control might also positively affect deforestation.

On this account let me make my point clear by using an illustration. In early 70's, India adopted a movement popularly known as "the Chipko movement" to prevent cutting of trees. What actually happened was, people used to hug trees so the woodcutters are unable to chop the tree they aim at. Because of this movement, there was a surprising fall in cutting of trees.

In the light of aforesaid aspects, I hold the view that, it is high time when we should all pledge towards the betterment of the environment by ruling out the effects of deforestation, which in turn is only possible when we actively take part on plantation amd minimize the cutting of trees.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Introduction - Not exactly. Animals release CO2. The introduction is longer than the main paragraphs.

First main paragraph - defaulters?

Second main paragraph - The policy of planting 2 tress would increase forest areas, but reduce land use for other purposes. With a rising population, this is likely to be an unrealistic policy.

Third main paragraph - This is an example. It needs to be attached to an argument.

Conclusion - plantation?

Overall, this essay is quite weak. Ideas are not presented clearly. Errors with grammar and vocabulary can make the essay hard to understand. The organisation is sometimes unclear.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Deforestation caused by human activity is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment.

What do you think can be done to solve the problem?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Answer:
It is an irrefutable fact that trees and plants are the only living objects that release oxygen as their by-product. Oxygen is the prime factor responsible for life on earth. However, in the past few decades, because of human activities, a large number of trees have been cut down and many forests have been cleared for both residential and commercial reasons, which has had an adverse effect on the environment as well as the climate of the world. This mass clearance of tress is known as deforestation.

Being mindful of the above stated facts, the governments of all nations should collaborate and take action against the people responsible for the illegal land clearing activities. Apart from the measures taken by the authorities, individuals must also take appropriate steps to ensure a reduction in deforestation.

Owing to the current situation, at the very outset, people should adopt the policy of reduce, reuse, and recycle of paper and other products obtained from trees. It is undeniable that trees are the only things thatproduce wood, so logging cannot be completely barred. Nevertheless, one should plant two tress when a single tree is cut down. Furthermore, forested areas have been cleared to accommodate a growing population, therefore, population control might also positively affect deforestation.

For example, in the early 1970's, India adopted a movement popularly known as "the Chipko movement" to prevent the destruction of trees. What actually happened was, people used to hug trees so the woodcutters were unable to chop that tree down. Because of this movement, there was a surprising fall in deforestation.

In light of the aforesaid aspects, I hold the view that it is high time when we should all work towards the betterment of the environment by minimizing deforestation, which in turn is only possible when we actively take part in plantation and recycling activities.