writing task 2(please evaluate my essay exam is coming)

[dhanyapeter]

PLEASE EVALUATE MY ESSAY AND GIVE A SCORE FOR MY ESSAY
Nowadays, more and more younger people need to compete with older people for the same jobs. What problems does it cause?What would you suggest as a solution?
It is often observed that job competition between the younger people and the older generation is on the rise. This phenomenon may lead to serious problems such as unemployment, poverty and suicidal attempts. However, there are several possible solutions to tackle such issues by introducing more job opportunities, moreover, delegating and providing temporary job vacancies are also considered as possible solutions
The most remarkable problem occurs due to the competition between two age groups for employment is nothing, but unemployment. This would mean that, even though youngsters have higher qualifications, they are less experienced than their older generation. Therefore, the former has to wait longer periods to seek a job as companies are recruiting professionals on their levels of work experience.Again, the more number of unemployed people, the more number of people commit suicides. For example, A recent survey taken by the Times of India have noticed that the majority of suicides in developing countries is related to poverty and unemployment.
The primary solution to address this issue is delegating job opportunities to both generations in a successful way. Secondly, companies should open new quotas for the younger generation to reduce the unemployment rates. Finally, governments should introduce temporary job vacancies for the young people to support their families and to reduce poverty and suicides.
To conclude, it is definitely the responsibility of the sensible government to introduce, delegate and open new vacancies to their younger generations rather than focusing only on the elderly who have more years of experience.By using these effective solutions, I would definitely believe that job competition and their consequences will significantly decrease to a certain extent

[Flick]

PLEASE EVALUATE MY ESSAY AND GIVE A SCORE FOR MY ESSAY
Nowadays, more and more younger people need to compete with older people for the same jobs. What problems does it cause?What would you suggest as a solution?

It is often observed that job competition between younger people and the older generation is on the rise. This phenomenon may lead to serious problems such as unemployment, poverty and suicide attempts. However, there are several possible solutions to tackle such issues by introducing more job opportunities, and delegating and providing temporary job vacancies.

The most remarkable problem occurs due to the competition between two age groups for employment is nothing, but unemployment.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) This would mean that, even though youngsters have higher qualifications, they are less experienced than the older generation. Therefore, the former has to wait longer periods to secure a job as companies are recruiting professionals with a higher level of work experience. Again, the more unemployed people there are, the more people attempt to commit suicide. For example, a recent survey run by the Times of India noted that the majority of suicides in developing countries is related to poverty and unemployment.

The primary solution to address this issue is delegating job opportunities to both generations in a successful way. Secondly, companies should open new quotas for the younger generation in order to reduce unemployment rates. Finally, governments should introduce temporary job vacancies for younger people to support their families and to reduce poverty and suicide.

To conclude, it is definitely the responsibility of the government to introduce, delegate and open new vacancies to the younger generations rather than focusing only on the elderly who have more years of experience. By using these effective solutions, I would definitely believe that job competition and its consequences will significantly decrease.