Could you please asses my Essay

[abnasser]

Some experts believe that it is better to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than at secondary school.

Do the advantages outweigh than the disadvantage?

Due to globalization, the relations between countries around the world have increased notably. As a result of this, learning language at early stage has become a moot issue in many countries .
Some academics assert that elementary school is the best place to start learning a second language instead of secondary school while others oppose this idea. This essay will delve into the benefits and drawbacks of early age learning of languages.
I believe that learning foreign languages in this stage is beneficial for some reasons.
Firstly, children at such age build faster cognitive development and learning ability .
Studies have shown that children between 4-9 have better opportunity to accommodate themselves into learning of new languages. This is clarified by a survey conducted among groups of 200 students who participated in this survey. The result revealed that children who started learning in their elementary school possessed better communication skills in foreign languages than those who attended language classes lately in secondary school. Further example, I met Asian students who had started learning English in their childhood and compared them with some students from my home country who had started attending English Language classes in high school, and I have realized that those Asian students communicate in English almost the same way as a native English speaker while my friends speak it with a certain accent.

Secondly, children in primary school have more opportunity to allocate themselves in building good basis for adapting a second language. In elementary school children merely attend few subjects which form a background for secondary school education, and therefore it is necessary to found fundamental knowledge of languages in order to improve them easily in later education. otherwise, if we omit this subject in the curriculum, it will request an additional language learning efforts in secondary or tertiary education where students study under increasing pressure due to variety and advanced level of subjects. Therefore it is the right and profitable to update the curriculum of basic education with linguistic subjects.

On the other hand, expanding education program in early education seem to have negative economic impacts.
If we extend the primary school curriculum with extra language classes, it will request more academic staff, books and other facilities, and in this case the government should increase its spending in this sector. This could result in an extra deficit in the global budget of my country and consequently add an additional financial burden on tax payers whereas other essential sectors such as infrastructure and health care service which are just as important as education need seriously more investments.

To conclude, no one can deny the importance of learning a foreign language at early age and how it reflects in our global village, as this will increase in the future, and I believe that the government and private education institutions should implement this essential subject in the development of basic education curriculum. However, this should be restricted in a such way that it forms just a basis for a further education

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Paragraphing is unclear near the beginning.

I'm not sure which Asian students you are referring to. Besides, most teachers would hardly regard "a certain accent" as the primary issue for most students.

The conclusion needs to be rewritten (restricted ... just a basis?).

However, overall not a bad essay. Once these points have been dealt with (and they should be easy to deal with!) you have some good grammar with relatively few errors. Vocabulary is generally good, though there are a few noticeable mistakes, e.g. build faster, global budget, request (require), global village (possibly used correctly, but the meaning is unclear).

All the best,
David

[abnasser]

Dear David,

Thank you for your time and consideration.
further, I will correct those parts.


Kind regards

[abnasser]

Some experts believe that it is better to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than at secondary school.

Do the advantages outweigh than the disadvantage?

Due to globalization, the relations between countries around the world have increased notably. As a result of this, learning language at early stage has become a moot issue in many countries. Some academics assert that elementary school is the best place to start learning a second language instead of secondary school while others oppose this idea. This essay will delve into the benefits and drawbacks of early age learning of languages.

I believe that learning foreign languages in this stage is beneficial for some reasons. Firstly, children at such age build fast cognitive development and learning ability. Studies have shown that children between 4-9 have better opportunity to accommodate themselves into learning of new languages. This is clarified by a survey conducted among groups of 200 students who participated in this survey. The result revealed that children who started learning in their elementary school possessed better communication skills in foreign languages than those who attended language classes lately in secondary school. Further example, I met Asian students in the UK who had started learning English in their childhood overseas and compared them with some students from my home country who had started attending English Language classes in high school, and I have realized that those Asian students communicated in English with a great fluency almost as a native English speaker while my friends were struggling to achieve that level of communication.

Secondly, children in primary school have more opportunity to allocate themselves in building good background for adapting a second language. In elementary school children merely attend few subjects which form a background for secondary school education, and therefore it is necessary to found fundamental knowledge of languages in order to improve them easily in later education. otherwise, if we omit this subject in the curriculum, it will require an additional language learning efforts in secondary or tertiary education where students study under increasing pressure due to variety and advanced level of subjects. Therefore, it is the right and profitable to update the curriculum of basic education with linguistic subjects.

On the other hand, expanding education program in early education seem to have negative economic impacts. If we extend the primary school curriculum with extra language classes, it will demand more academic staff, books and other facilities, and in this case the government should increase its spending in this sector. This could result in an extra deficit in the government’s budget and consequently add an additional financial burden on tax payers in my country whereas other essential sectors such as infrastructure and health care service which are just as important as education need seriously more investments.

To conclude, no one can deny the importance of learning a foreign language at early age and how it reflects in our world which has become a global village, and I expect that it will increase in the future. Therefore, I hope that the government and the private education institutions around the world implement this essential subject in the development of basic education curriculum. However, this should be applied in a such way that it forms just a background knowledge for a further education.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Much better! (But good luck writing such a long essay in 40 minutes!)
D

[abnasser]

Dear Sir David,

Thank you.


Regards
Abdulkadir