Task 2 evaluation please

[zeeshi16]

WT2.PNG (79.18 KiB) Viewed 1859 times

It is argued by some that parents are better poised to educate their off-springs on becoming better members of society. On the other hand, some assert that schools are a better breeding place of the qualities, a person must possess, to be a better human being. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of parents to groom their children to become good members of the community.

Children try to imitate what they observe. Since they spend majority of their day at home, these kids absorb the qualities they see in their parents. So, parents, who possess good qualities, are in better position to impart these in their children. Furthermore, parents can educate their children in a better way by rewarding them on good deeds. For instance, when I was younger, I used to accompany my father on his evening walk. During that time, he would encourage me to help other living things like feeding the pigeons, and would reward me with a candy once I did it. This led me to develop some key personality traits like empathy and complacency. Thus, this discussion supports the claim that parents should teach their children to be better members of society.

On the other hand, schools are more focused on their curriculum. Teachers have to finish their courses in a pre-set amount of time, so they hardly have the time to concentrate on the character building aspects of their pupils. In addition to this, a teacher is responsible to meet the needs of a whole class, and so, is unable to cater to each and every student individually.

Having discussed both views, It is evident, that parents can educate their children by example while teacher don’t have the luxury to focus on every pupil individually. Hence, parents should try to develop their kids to be productive individuals, who feel it their duty to aid others, and contribute to the society.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

This is a good essay. There is one main problem (the second main paragraph is too short) and one small one ('complacency' is the wrong word). Aside from this, you've done really well!

David

[Flick]

It is argued by some that parents are better poised to educate their off-spring on becoming better members of society. On the other hand, some assert that schools are a better breeding place for the qualities a person must possess to be a better human being. In my opinion, it is the responsibility of parents to groom their children to become good members of the community.

Children try to imitate what they observe. Since they spend the majority of their day at home, these kids absorb the qualities they see in their parents. So, parents, who possess good qualities, are in a better position to impart these to their children. Furthermore, parents can educate their children in a better way by rewarding them for good deeds. For instance, when I was younger, I used to accompany my father on his evening walk. During that time, he would encourage me to help other living things like feeding the pigeons, and would reward me with a piece of candy once I did it. This led me to develop some key personality traits like empathy and consideration. Thus, this discussion supports the claim that parents should teach their children to be better members of society.

On the other hand, schools are more focused on their curriculum. Teachers have to finish their courses in a pre-set amount of time, so they hardly have the time to concentrate on the character building aspects of their pupils. In addition to this, a teacher is responsible for meeting the needs of a whole class, and so, is unable to cater to each and every student individually.

Having discussed both views, it is evident that parents can educate their children by example while teachers don’t have the luxury to focus on every pupil individually. Hence, parents should try to encourage their kids to be productive individuals, who feel it is their duty to aid others and contribute to the society.