i think have gone against the grain in this essay....please provide your valuable feedback

[zibs]

"Prevention is better than cure."
Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?


It is widely accepted that halting the occurrence of a disease is a far effective method than treating the diseased individual only. While I do agree with the notion, I still do not totally concord with the proposition that a significant percentage of the health fund should be redirected from the treatment programs to the health awareness and promotion activities. I am of the above belief as the policy would destabilise the healthcare system and awareness program can be conducted at a low cost in coalition with other sectors without requiring consumption of significant funds.

To begin with, health sector is usually one of the most poorly funded sectors in a nation’s yearly expenditure plan. For instance, in India only 1% of the annual expenditure is allocated to this field. This measly fund is used to run innumerable government hospitals, subsidise medicines for the poor and also run health awareness campaigns. Now, with the system already stretched to the limits, if we were to channel large funds from the curative to the preventive aspect, it would significantly undermine the already weakened public health institutions, thereby worsening the situation. While, presumably we would be decreasing the incidence of disease by significantly reallocating the funds to health promotion, concomitantly the quality of health care would be be compromised that would have immediate repercussions.

Another reason explaining my disagreement with the proposal is that , with proper planning, activities of health education and promotion can be carried out even in absence of significant rise in fund allocation provided the health, education and communication wings of the authorities can work in tandem. For example, it is quite feasible to include the topics such as hazards of smoking, importance of healthy diet and advantages of regular exercise in the school curriculum which would increase the awareness among the school going children. As for the adults, we could implement a regulation demanding the television and newspapers to allocate specific amount of ads promoting healthy habits at subsidised costs. In addition, the basic public amenities like proper drainage, clean drinking water and clean air, which are are must for disease prevention, have more to do with a strengthening public infrastructure rather than allocating funds to health awareness. Thus, the answer to improving preventive domain is not simply diverting major fund to health education, rather forging of team work across the board.

In a nutshell, I believe that the optimum way of alleviating disease prevention is following a sustainable middle ground of enhancing partnership among the various departments of the government to utilise the existing health funds, not blatantly reallocating funds from the already ailing curative health sector to preventive programs. This would be the best way to achieve improvement in prevention services without jeopardising the curative facilities in my opinion.

[plin0627]

Hi there, it seems you have gone off topic. Here's my little suggestion, hope it helps!

In your introduction, you said that you agree with the idea that funding in health awareness is vital, then in your main para 1, you should explain this fact, instead of elaborating your disagreement.

Main Para 2 should be explaining the reason why you disagree with the money diverted from treatment to health education; or why funding should be given on treatment rather than health education.

Possible answer to this type of question: answer both sides of arguments;
if you are mostly disagree with the view:
In main Para 1: why agree that prevention/health education is important? what can it do to the public?
In main para 2 and 3: explain why money should be poured onto medical aid instead?

Cheers!

[zibs]

thank you for the reply...I do agree with the idea that prevention is better than cure but do not support that large funds should be diverted to preventive medicine at the cost of curative treatment and have based my essay on that premise. I have opted to argue against the idea of increasing funds in prevention

[long.tv2000]

Hi,

In your conclusion, you shouldn't use "In a nutshell" since it is an idiom so try avoid using any kind of idiom. For further information, please visit: https://targetenglish.wordpress.com/201 ... 2-writing/

[zibs]

thank you! the link was very helpful. more suggestions please