Task 2 IELTS : Please evaluate

[singegow]

Most of the children these days are spending theier time playing computer games and spend less time playing outdoor sports. Why is this? Is this positive or negative?

In modern times, a majority of kids are indulged in playing computer games for long hours and dedicated less time for playing out-of-door activities. This trend is the result of reduced social interaction, and I believe this tendency has a negative impact, in terms of children lacking the behaviour of socialization.

The main reason for children being too much involved in video games is not having supporting environment that can help kids to paly with other children. This can be attributed to the fast phase of urban life where most of the people are completely involved in day to day activities and does not have time to spare for interaction with others. As a result, almost all families are leading an isolated life. Thus kids growing in these families have rare interaction with their neighbours and this promotes them to spend most of their time in the home. All these factors lead to children investing more time in video games which can be played alone and in fact looks very attractive to kids.

In my view, the trend of kids getting immersed in computer game leads to adverse ramifications. This is because kids who start playing video games get addicted to it and rarely show interest in other activities. This kind of behaviour and attitude gradually leads to children lacking interest in activities played in open space. In addition, due to limited interaction with the society, kids are even showing a lack of involvement in community functions.

In conclusion, modern society has witnessed a change in the pattern of activities played by kids. This is purely a matter of change in the life style of the whole society which has an adverse effect on children in terms of lacking social behaviour.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, the main problem is one of over-generalisation. "almost all families are leading an isolated life" Rubbish! Work? Studies? The internet? The idea that all kids play computer games 24/7 and are totally addicted has been debunked. In fact, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that computer games are a social activity.

Hence, we have arguments made using quite 'extreme' language that do not stand up to the slightest scrutiny. Vocabulary and grammar are not used to create a good argument.

All the best,
David

[singegow]

Hi David,

Thanks a ton for your reply.
I will work on your comments.

Thanks indeed.

Regards,
singegow

[Flick]

Most of the children these days are spending theier time playing computer games and spend less time playing outdoor sports. Why is this? Is this positive or negative?

In modern times, a majority of kids indulge in playing computer games for long hours and dedicate less time to playing outside. This trend is the result of reduced social interaction, and I believe this tendency has a negative impact, in terms of children lacking socialization.

The main reason for children being too involved in video games is not having a supportive environment that encourages kids to paly with other children. This can be attributed to the fast pace of urban life, where many people are completely involved in day to day activities and do not have time to spare for interaction with others. As a result, almost all families are leading an isolated life. Thus, kids growing up in these families rarely interact with their neighbours, and this prompts them to spend most of their time in the home. All of these factors lead to children investing more time in video games which can be played alone and are very appealing to kids.

In my view, the trend of kids becoming immersed in computer games leads to adverse ramifications. This is because kids who start playing video games get addicted to them and rarely show interest in other activities. This kind of behaviour and attitude gradually leads to children lacking interest in more physical activities. In addition, due to limited interaction with the society, kids are even showing a lack of involvement in community functions.

In conclusion, modern society has witnessed a change in the pattern of activities played by kids. This is purely a matter of change in the lifestyle of the whole society, which has an adverse effect on children in terms of lacking social behaviour.