Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject

[Shokir]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a perspective claiming establishment of equal number of male and female students’ admittance in every subject is becoming quite popular. To my mind, this policy may arise unfairness and cause loss of dreams. I would vote totally against to this notion.

Firstly, as an individual, everyone has got his or her own dreams regardless their gender. Girls may want to succeed in atypical for them subjects such as engineering or mathematics as well as boys who may wish career prospectus in “softer” disciplines. Introducing above mentioned rule to the institutions will surely prevent those males or females who failed to be chosen in a particular field from the right of pursuing their desired profession. Moreover, if the group is filled they will have to willingly or unwillingly go for the subjects that have vocations for men/women. That means dictating people which subject to choose ignoring their considerations.

Secondly, the thing which motivates people to move forward is their dreams. Accepting equal numbers of male and female students may destroy most of students’ dreams which means following an aimless way of life to them. Admitting a man without an assiduity instead of woman with enthusiasm or opposite of it could work against Human values and democratic principles. Furthermore, application of this policy may induce shortage of qualified workers in the societies. Because man graduated nursing courses with reluctance will not work as woman who could serve more efficiently if she was him.

In conclusion, I firmly decry the view of filling half part of classes with opposite sex representatives as it demolishes personal dreams and causes unfairness.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

Overall, a reasonable essay. Your points are good. The development is reasonable, but a little repetitious and I think you would do better to use specific examples.

The grammar is quite good, though I'd prefer to see a wider range of structures, e.g. conditionals. You do tend to use 'will' inappropriately - try using a wider range of modals. Mistakes tend to be associated with more complex structures.

Vocabulary is the real problem. You have tried to use a lot of higher level words, but these do not have the exact meanings that you are trying to convey, e.g. vote, may arise unfairness, following an aimless way of life, induce shortage, decry.

Basically, the lack of precision in development and in vocabulary and grammar can make your (valid) points a little unclear.

All the best,
David

[Flick]

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a perspective claiming establishment of an equal number of male and female students’ admittance in every subject is becoming quite popular. To my mind, this policy may give rise to unfairness and cause loss of dreams. I would vote against this notion.

Firstly, as an individual, everyone has got his or her own dreams regardless of their gender. Girls may want to succeed in less 'feminine' subjects such as engineering or mathematics, while some boys may wish to pursue acareer in “softer” disciplines. Introducing the above-mentioned rule to educational institutions will surely prevent those males or females who failed to be chosen in a particular field from the right of pursuing their desired profession. Moreover, if the group is filled, they will have to willingly or unwillingly choose subjects that have vocations for men/women.(<--I don't understand your meaning here.) That means dictating to people which subject to choose, ignoring their own preferences.

Secondly, the thing which motivates people to move forward is their dreams. Accepting equal numbers of male and female students may destroy most students’ dreams, which means following an aimless way of life to them.(<--I don't understand this sentence.) Accepting a man without interest instead of woman with enthusiasm for a subject could work against human values and democratic principles. Furthermore, application of this policy may induce a shortage of qualified workers in the society, because a man who has graduated nursing courses with reluctance will not work as well as a woman who could serve more efficiently if she was him.

In conclusion, I firmly decry the view of filling classes with equal numbers of opposite sex representatives as it demolishes personal dreams and causes unfairness.