Repost - Pls give me your comments

[Xbb]

Scientists say that in the future humanity will speak the same language. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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It is forecast by some scientists that human beings will communicate in one unified language across the globe in the future. In my opinion, I strongly believe this trend would be a negative development considering its detrimental effects on each country’s cultural identity and tourism industry.

Firstly, it is foreseeable that a country’s cultural identity would be undermined if its people relinquish speaking their native language. As language and culture are inextricably intertwined, any fade-outs of the primary vehicle of communication would axiomatically result in erosions of its rooted culture to a certain extent. For instance, if Vietnamese artists switched to perform their traditional elegant court music in English, it would inevitably fail to express its original philosophies and profound meanings, thus consequently nullify this art form’s uniqueness and jeopardize its popularity and even existence amongst the locals as an invaluable intangible asset. It is therefore clear that the development of a global language could pose real threats to the preservation of various local cultures’ aspects.

Furthermore, stemming from the above mentioned impact, as a nation’s culture become more alike to others due to certain losses of identity, its tourism industry will inescapably witness a considerable plummet of international visitors. A great number of tourists would find no point in visiting another nation whose culture is too common, which could not herald any opportunities for culture exchanges. As a result, the local economy and living standard would face numerous challenges when sizable income from tourism dropped. Thus, it can be said that the foreseeable picture of a globally unified language would bar the development of local tourism industries.

In conclusion, I personally believe that the trend of a globally common language could be of a negative development owing to its adverse influences on cultural diversity and local tourism.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

The range and accuracy of grammar is reasonable to some extent. However, a greater variety, particularly conditionals, would make your arguments clearer (more later).

The range of vocabulary appears reasonable, but I don't think that you have really used it to create a convincing argument. Quite often, the words you use a are 'extreme' - nullify, inevitably fail, no point, could not herald any opportunities.

This brings me to my main point. Your ideas simply do not make much sense.

1. This is a pedantic point, perhaps, but MUSIC and SONG are not the same. You cannot perform MUSIC in English!
2. Many forms of music have become more popular throughout the world as they have been fused with that from other cultures.
3. Why preserve a form of music if people don't like it?
4. How does the loss of music mean the complete loss of a culture?
5. Why has tourism between the USA and the UK risen? (Same language, similar culture.)
6. Vietnam has become more Westernised, but tourism is rising.
7. Does the standard of living only depend on tourism?
8. Tourism globally is increasing.

Sorry, but your points make no sense and this does have an effect on meaning. The range of vocabulary and grammar simply do not create a good argument.

All the best,
David

[Xbb]

Hi David,
Many thanks for your marking efforts.
I would refrain from using 'extreme' words which might be confusing to others.
But I guess the severe mistakes that I made in this essay is lacking of precise adverbs, which would be misleading in certain situations.

Best regards,
Xbb

2. Many forms of music have become more popular throughout the world as they have been fused with that from other cultures.
3. Why preserve a form of music if people don't like it?
4. How does the loss of music mean the complete loss of a culture?
5. Why has tourism between the USA and the UK risen? (Same language, similar culture.)
6. Vietnam has become more Westernised, but tourism is rising.
7. Does the standard of living only depend on tourism?
8. Tourism globally is increasing.

Hello!

The range and accuracy of grammar is reasonable to some extent. However, a greater variety, particularly conditionals, would make your arguments clearer (more later).

The range of vocabulary appears reasonable, but I don't think that you have really used it to create a convincing argument. Quite often, the words you use a are 'extreme' - nullify, inevitably fail, no point, could not herald any opportunities.

This brings me to my main point. Your ideas simply do not make much sense.

1. This is a pedantic point, perhaps, but MUSIC and SONG are not the same. You cannot perform MUSIC in English!
2. Many forms of music have become more popular throughout the world as they have been fused with that from other cultures.
3. Why preserve a form of music if people don't like it?
4. How does the loss of music mean the complete loss of a culture?
5. Why has tourism between the USA and the UK risen? (Same language, similar culture.)
6. Vietnam has become more Westernised, but tourism is rising.
7. Does the standard of living only depend on tourism?
8. Tourism globally is increasing.

Sorry, but your points make no sense and this does have an effect on meaning. The range of vocabulary and grammar simply do not create a good argument.

All the best,
David

[Xbb]

Hi David,
What would you say about this sample essay?
http://ieltsliz.com/ielts-advantage-dis ... del-essay/
Points are similar to a certain extent.

Hello!

The range and accuracy of grammar is reasonable to some extent. However, a greater variety, particularly conditionals, would make your arguments clearer (more later).

The range of vocabulary appears reasonable, but I don't think that you have really used it to create a convincing argument. Quite often, the words you use a are 'extreme' - nullify, inevitably fail, no point, could not herald any opportunities.

This brings me to my main point. Your ideas simply do not make much sense.

1. This is a pedantic point, perhaps, but MUSIC and SONG are not the same. You cannot perform MUSIC in English!
2. Many forms of music have become more popular throughout the world as they have been fused with that from other cultures.
3. Why preserve a form of music if people don't like it?
4. How does the loss of music mean the complete loss of a culture?
5. Why has tourism between the USA and the UK risen? (Same language, similar culture.)
6. Vietnam has become more Westernised, but tourism is rising.
7. Does the standard of living only depend on tourism?
8. Tourism globally is increasing.

Sorry, but your points make no sense and this does have an effect on meaning. The range of vocabulary and grammar simply do not create a good argument.

All the best,
David