Please review my essay

[irgmn]

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?


Few human activities are more prone to serious injuries than risky sports, namely jumping with parachute or skiing from the mountain peaks.
Due to the high level of accidents resulting from these activities, some radical groups suggest to abolish the extreme sports all-together.
While I agree that the current nonchalant approach is dangerous and unacceptable,
I contend that these sports are beneficial for people's welfare and through changes in admission policy and introduction of relevant mandatory education the mortality and accident rate can be substantially decreased.

Nowadays, the permission to partake in highly risky sports is based solely on the financial ability.
The age restriction is minimal and in itself implies mental maturity of the potential sportsman.
However, an unbalanced individual is exceptionally dangerous on snowy slopes as i can relate from my experience.
Collisions are the major reason of ski accidents and they are usually caused by a person who panicked and lost control.
Simple interview with a person to verify the level of confidence and required skills would have uncovered the inability to cope with challenging situation and would have saved the pain and spoiled holidays for people involved in the skiing accident.
In addition to the precaution above, medical advice should be sought prior to such a risky undertaking as sky diving.
These trivial measures of precaution might save people's life and lower the level of risk involved.

Despite the dangers of the extreme sports, their benefits are undeniable. In our era of high stress level,
people need a way to unwind, to feel alive, to get a sense of adventure, in order to be able to cope with the pressure of loaded and demanding life they lead.
Participating in extreme sports can provide a feeling of achievement and self-worth, excitement from a beautiful scenery, a general satisfaction of life and a feeling of pure joy.
All these things that makes life worth living, and thus I sincerely oppose to the banishment of extreme sports.

To summarize the arguments above, with a few relatively simple measures of extra care, with conscious and responsible approach, the safety level of extreme sports can be substantially increased.
Their positive impact on our life is worth keeping them around even at the cost of potential injury; we should not live in a cocoune, no matter how safe and protected it is, it will still be a cage.

[Flick]

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?


Few human activities are more prone to serious injuries than risky sports, namely skydiving and skiing from mountain peaks. Due to the high level of accidents resulting from these activities, some radical groups have suggested abolishing extreme sports all-together. While I agree that the current nonchalant approach is dangerous and unacceptable,
I contend that these sports are beneficial for people's welfare and through changes in admission policies and introduction of relevant mandatory education, the mortality and accident rate can be substantially decreased.

Nowadays, permission to partake in highly risky sports is based solely on one's financial ability. The age restriction is minimal and in itself implies mental maturity of the potential sportsman. However, an inexperienced individual is exceptionally dangerous on the snowy slopes, as I can relate from personal experience. Collisions are the major cause of skiing accidents, and they are usually caused by a person who has panicked and lost control. A simple interview with a person to verify their level of confidence and required skills would have uncovered the inability to cope with challenging situations and saved the pain and spoiled holidays for those involved in a skiing accident. In addition to the precaution above, medical advice should be sought prior to such a risky undertaking as sky diving. These trivial measures of precaution might save people's lives and lower the level of risk involved.

Despite the dangers of these extreme sports, their benefits are undeniable. In our era of high stress levels, people need a way to unwind, to feel alive, to gain a sense of adventure in order to be able to cope with the pressure of the demanding lives they lead.

Participating in extreme sports can provide a feeling of achievement and self-worth, enjoyment in the beautiful scenery, a general satisfaction with life, and a feeling of pure joy. All these things that makes life worth living, and thus I sincerely oppose the banishment of extreme sports.

To summarize the arguments above, with a few relatively simple measures of extra care, with a conscious and responsible approach, the safety level of extreme sports can be substantially increased.
Their positive impact on our lives is worth keeping them, even at the cost of potential injury; we should not live in a cocoon as, no matter how safe and protected it is, it will still be a cage.

[irgmn]

Thank you! Grammar oh grammar, why don't you befriend me..