Please please advise

[Praoparn]

All education (primary, secondary and further education) should be free for all people and paid and managed by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this task.

These days, education is becoming more important in order to provide young generations with the prosperous future. While some people believe that education should be accessible free of charge by all people, I tend to disagree to some extent.

First and foremost, quality and quantity of teaching must go concomitantly. According to an existing research, only 10% of the country worldwide who adopt this policy successfully established potential educational systems; nonetheless, the other 90% failed to do so. What can be interpreted from this data is that gratis schooling not always works. Alternatively, if the authorities made the payable part of the population to contribute some money towards this, It would ultimately help the whole educational system to develop faster; this is due to the greater amount of allocation provided for it.

Secondly, even though in an ideal world everyone deserves an education equally. It is undeniable that the budget is limited. In particularly the truth is that giving a scholarship to the hard-working candidate would bring more proper to the country than giving a free education to someone who lacks the desire to pursue his or her study. Through this, it will also encourage scholars to study harder by creating a more vigorous competition. As a result, the more competition, the more development of children.

In conclusion, I personally do not support the education system where its cost is completely contributed by the state of two main reasons: limited budget and ineffective funds allocation.

[David.IELTS.Examiner]

Hello!

I don't understand the second sentence of the first main paragraph. The first sentence may be true but there is no evidence for this. The fourth sentence is a mess because of poor grammar.

The points in the second main paragraph may be true, but, again, no evidence or support is provided.

Overall, a weak essay. Points are unclear. Grammar is often so bad that meaning is unclear. (The first thing I would do is cut down sentence length.) Vocabulary is not used to create a good argument.

All the best,
David

[Praoparn]

Hi!
Thank you so much for your comment

I think I chose the wrong side, plus I might mix some tenses in the essay up . Thus, this made my argument quite confusing.

What was I trying to say in the second sentence of the first main paragraph was: most underdeveloped countries failed to make the free education work.

For sentence 4 in the first main paragraph, please see my rewrite version: If these underdeveloped countries had made their people contributing, even a little, towards schooling, more money would have helped improve their educational systems.

Thank you

[Flick]

All education (primary, secondary and further education) should be free for all people and paid and managed by the government. Do you agree or disagree with this task.

These days, education is becoming more important in order to provide young generations with a prosperous future. While some people believe that education should be accessible free of charge by all people, I tend to disagree to some extent.

First and foremost, the quality and quantity of teaching must be consistent. According to an existing research, only 10% of the countries worldwide who adopt this policy successfully establish potential(<--What do you mean 'potential'?) educational systems. Nonetheless, the other 90% have failed to do so. What can be interpreted from this data is that gratis schooling doesn't always work. Alternatively, if the authorities made the income-earning part of the population contribute some money towards this, it would ultimately help the whole educational system to develop faster, due to the greater amount of funds available.

Secondly, in an ideal world, everyone deserves an education. However, it is undeniable that the budget is limited. In particular, the truth is that giving a scholarship to the hard-working candidate would bring more prosperity to the country than giving a free education to someone who lacks the desire to pursue his or her studies. Limited scholarships also encourage scholars to study harder by creating more vigorous competition. As a result, the more competition, the more development of children.

In conclusion, I personally do not support a free education system for two main reasons: limited budget and ineffective funds allocation.

[Praoparn]

Thank you sooooo much:)))))))))))))