Please help me evaluate this Task 2 essay - Homework - Discussion

[Lilyhuynh1201]

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

It has been often said that doing exercises at home plays a significant role in everyday life. Opinions on the effects of this are divided. Some people suggest that homework is unnecessary for students, while others including myself believe that doing this activity is very essential for children’s development.

There are myriad arguments used to support the claim that giving homework for students should not be encouraged. First, since these children have to do a huge number of tasks and other activities at school, they are exhausted after class, therefor needing more time to relax. By taking part in other extracurricular activities, they can find their interests in other fields namely music, sport and arts. Second, students can contribute more for society by doing local charities. Such volunteering works do not only help the community develop more completely but also train these participants to be responsible, mature and independent.

With regard to the idea that children need to be given exercises at home, proponents of this belief often state these arguments. One reason is that homework is a chance for students to apply knowledge they had gained in class, and consequently these theories became more useful and be remembered longer. For instance, while doing exercises, students might find some points that they do not understand clearly, which urges them to find more information to clarify these vague points. Another reason is that doing home tasks can prevent children from bad habits. As these students have to spend their time on completing homework, they do not find much time to play online games or gather with local gangs. It is likely to have bad effects on children and destroy their future if they immerse in these wrongdoings.

In conclusion, although there is some evidence to support the claim that teachers should not force their students to do exercises, I am inclined to believe that this activity brings many benefits for children including helping them remember lessons longer and preventing them from bad behavior.

[ted_ielts]

This is overall a very good essay with a strong structure. However, two small corrections/suggestions:

In the opening sentence, change to

It has often been said...

and later on change

proponents of this belief often state these arguments

to

proponents of this belief often state the following arguments

because "these arguments" sounds like anaphoric referencing, whereas what you want is cataphoric referencing.

[Lilyhuynh1201]

Thank you so much, Ted. Your advice is really valuable to me.