please evaluate my writing task 2

[alnour]

task 2 question :
"by punishing murderers with the death penalty,society is also guilty of committing a murder. Therefore,life in prison is a better punishment for murderers, "

my response:


Law is what differentiates human beings from other animals. execution is one of the measures used by some countries rather than others. Is this punishment better than imprisonment ? is it a downfall for a country to implement such a penalty ? I strongly believe that doing so is better in many aspects than life in prison. I also think the society would be doomed if it overlooked such a wise judgment .

Imagining a world with no capital punishment is very scary. to begin with , a barbarian life is exactly the description of the streets outside. Mass murders for individuals seeking vengeance , would be committed. A lot of dead children , women and weak men . although the society thinks it would be a trouble if it committed another murder , in a matter of fact it is going to be a terrible bloody life , Moreover, homeless people would gladly prefer a life in prison where shelter and food are attainable.

On the contrary , a better safe society would be secured , knowing that a strong punishment as death is what a waits criminals. The law would be playing a major part by protecting the weak. Despite that a family for instance , which lost a beloved one would be less reckless, knowing that the killer will face justice.

To conclude with , it is better to have that sort of punishment for such a crime. The society would be committing another murder by leaving the misfit a life in prison. Our life will be full of hate and loss the meaning of love , compassion and never the least safety.

[Flick]

task 2 question :
"by punishing murderers with the death penalty,society is also guilty of committing a murder. Therefore,life in prison is a better punishment for murderers, "

my response:


Law is what differentiates human beings from other animals. Execution is one of the measures used by some countries to punish the worst criminals. Is this punishment better than imprisonment? Is it a crime in itself for a country to implement such a penalty? I strongly believe that the death penalty is better in many aspects than life in prison. I also think the society would be doomed if it overlooked such a wise judgment.

Imagining a world with no capital punishment is very scary. To begin with, there would be no consequences for serious crimes. Mass murders by individuals seeking vengeance would be committed. A lot of dead women and children, and weak men. Although the society thinks it would be a trouble if it committed another murder , in a matter of fact it is going to be a terrible bloody life , Moreover, homeless people would gladly prefer a life in prison where shelter and food are attainable.(<--I don't understand this sentence. What do homeless people have to do with the death penalty?)

On the contrary, a safer society would be assured, knowing that a strong punishment is what awaits criminals. The law would be playing a major part by protecting the weak. A family which lost a beloved one would be less reckless, knowing that the killer will face justice.

To conclude, it is better to have the death penalty for some crimes. The society would be committing another murder by giving the misfit a life in prison.(<--This sentence contradicts itself. Life in prison is not murder.) Our life will be full of hate, and we will lose the meaning of love, compassion and safety.

[alnour]

Thanks for the reply and grammar feedback
most of criminals are homeless seeking money.
i meant to say that by leaving the murderer a life the society is committing a murder

please give me a mark out of 9 and a better feedback involving my spelling . task response and cohesion and coherence

[MrDon12345]

5/10

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[alnour]

my score is 5 out of 10 !!!!!!
u mean overall or just in grammar
i really couldn't interpretate ur message!
r u an examiner???