In may countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had negative effect on their health.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In today's ever evolving world, the diet and way of living the old has revolutionized. It has recently been suggested that the way children eat and live has led to deterioration in health. I entirely affirm with this view. To illustrate this, the consumption of vast amount of processed foods rather than the healthy ones and the lack of exercise will be analyzed.
To begin with, the large intake of preserved foods instead of the conventional ones such as fruits and vegetables among children has yielded to kidney problems. The World Health Organization's statistics reveal that there is higher prevalence of kidney diseases among the youth today than in the 1950's. The more unhealthy vittles they consume would make matters worst because what you eat becomes who you are. Indeed, their eating patterns have ill effects on them.
As an addition, there is also a disturbing decline in the amount of exercise children get. For instance, in the Philippine Science High School, they tend to focus more on scholastic achievement and almost forget about extracurricular activities. Schools have become obsessed with exams, with the shocking result that pupils do no sports at all and this has resulted to a sedentary lifestyle. thus, it is vivid that the way they live is keeping them away from being healthy.
To reiterate, unhealthy diet and absence of physical activities produces serious illnesses. Hence, the alteration of primitive eating habits and lifestyle poses danger to health. To reverse this phenomenon, moving back to the traditional ways of living and eating would suffice.
Thanks in advance for the mark and comments.
Please mark my essay and make corrections. Thanks
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jaysanvicente
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- Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:02 am
Re: Please mark my essay and make corrections. Thanks
In may countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had negative effect on their health.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In today's ever evolving world, the diet and way of living the old has revolutionized. (not sure what you mean by 'living the old'. Do you mean that there have been changes over the past decades? It has recently been suggested that the way children eat and live has led to(a) deterioration in (their) health. I entirely affirm (agree) with this view. To illustrate this, the consumption of (a) vast amount of processed foods rather than the (do not need 'the' because you are talking about healthy foods in general) healthy ones and the lack of exercise will be analyzed.
To begin with, the large intake of preserved ( processed) foods instead of the conventional ones such as fruits and vegetables among children has yielded (created) to (do not need preposition here) kidney problems. The World Health Organization's statistics reveal that there is (a) higher prevalence of kidney diseases among the youth today than in the 1950's. The more unhealthy vittles foods) they consume would (do not need 'would') make matters worst (worse; you need to use the comparative form of the adjective, not the superlative here) because what you eat becomes who you are ( because what you eat is what you are) . Indeed, their eating patterns have ill effects on them.
As an addition, there is also a disturbing decline in the amount of exercise children get. For instance, in the Philippine Science High School, they tend to focus more on scholastic achievement and almost forget about extracurricular activities. Schools have become obsessed with exams, with the shocking result that pupils do no sports at all and this has resulted to (in) a sedentary lifestyle. tThus, it is vivid (clear) that the way they live is keeping them away from being healthy.
To reiterate, unhealthy diet and the ) absence of physical activities produces serious illnesses. Hence, the alteration of primitive (poor) eating habits and lifestyle poses (a) danger to health. To reverse this phenomenon, moving back to the traditional ways of living and eating would suffice.
Not a bad go. If this essay were to be graded as it is written, it would likely earn:
Task response: 6
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Lexical Resource: 5.5 You are trying to use good vocabulary. But some of the words are not used properly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In today's ever evolving world, the diet and way of living the old has revolutionized. (not sure what you mean by 'living the old'. Do you mean that there have been changes over the past decades? It has recently been suggested that the way children eat and live has led to(a) deterioration in (their) health. I entirely affirm (agree) with this view. To illustrate this, the consumption of (a) vast amount of processed foods rather than the (do not need 'the' because you are talking about healthy foods in general) healthy ones and the lack of exercise will be analyzed.
To begin with, the large intake of preserved ( processed) foods instead of the conventional ones such as fruits and vegetables among children has yielded (created) to (do not need preposition here) kidney problems. The World Health Organization's statistics reveal that there is (a) higher prevalence of kidney diseases among the youth today than in the 1950's. The more unhealthy vittles foods) they consume would (do not need 'would') make matters worst (worse; you need to use the comparative form of the adjective, not the superlative here) because what you eat becomes who you are ( because what you eat is what you are) . Indeed, their eating patterns have ill effects on them.
As an addition, there is also a disturbing decline in the amount of exercise children get. For instance, in the Philippine Science High School, they tend to focus more on scholastic achievement and almost forget about extracurricular activities. Schools have become obsessed with exams, with the shocking result that pupils do no sports at all and this has resulted to (in) a sedentary lifestyle. tThus, it is vivid (clear) that the way they live is keeping them away from being healthy.
To reiterate, unhealthy diet and the ) absence of physical activities produces serious illnesses. Hence, the alteration of primitive (poor) eating habits and lifestyle poses (a) danger to health. To reverse this phenomenon, moving back to the traditional ways of living and eating would suffice.
Not a bad go. If this essay were to be graded as it is written, it would likely earn:
Task response: 6
Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Lexical Resource: 5.5 You are trying to use good vocabulary. But some of the words are not used properly.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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jaysanvicente
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:02 am
Re: Please mark my essay and make corrections. Thanks
Thanks for the mark and corrections. How about this essay?
People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
The one thing that is inevitable in life is change. It has been suggested that people are against making revisions in their lives. This may trigger serious implications on their careers and emotional state. Despite this, it can be aided by some plausible measures.
First, the principal problem if an individual refuses to execute modifications in their lives would yield their careers stagnant. As a result, they would not be able to support their families fully, as the job market requires top rated qualifications. For example, when a nurse refuses to take up post-graduate studies as a requirement for a job promotion because they feel that they cannot carry the load of a more profound responsibility. Consequently, they would be barred from other job promotions and stasis in career would occur. the obvious solution for this is to be more flexible and be able to learn how to adapt. By doing this, progress will not be hindered. Furthermore, this would open unexplored avenues in their lives.
Second, another drawback when people castaway the idea of change is that it would create the feeling of despair later on in their lives. For instance, an old man who underachieved his goals at some point of his life would bring the feeling of resentment towards himself. Moreover, this is emotionally taxing and has negative effects on mental health. To counter this, people should learn to accept the reality that no one is perfect and that not everything that they desire or need can be attained. Indeed, this will not form any regrets on their lives and that emotional health would not be an issue.
To reiterate, resistance to change may create work related and emotional problems. However, flexibility and adaptability plus learning to accept reality would curb this trend.
People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
The one thing that is inevitable in life is change. It has been suggested that people are against making revisions in their lives. This may trigger serious implications on their careers and emotional state. Despite this, it can be aided by some plausible measures.
First, the principal problem if an individual refuses to execute modifications in their lives would yield their careers stagnant. As a result, they would not be able to support their families fully, as the job market requires top rated qualifications. For example, when a nurse refuses to take up post-graduate studies as a requirement for a job promotion because they feel that they cannot carry the load of a more profound responsibility. Consequently, they would be barred from other job promotions and stasis in career would occur. the obvious solution for this is to be more flexible and be able to learn how to adapt. By doing this, progress will not be hindered. Furthermore, this would open unexplored avenues in their lives.
Second, another drawback when people castaway the idea of change is that it would create the feeling of despair later on in their lives. For instance, an old man who underachieved his goals at some point of his life would bring the feeling of resentment towards himself. Moreover, this is emotionally taxing and has negative effects on mental health. To counter this, people should learn to accept the reality that no one is perfect and that not everything that they desire or need can be attained. Indeed, this will not form any regrets on their lives and that emotional health would not be an issue.
To reiterate, resistance to change may create work related and emotional problems. However, flexibility and adaptability plus learning to accept reality would curb this trend.
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jaysanvicente
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 10:02 am
Re: Please mark my essay and make corrections. Thanks
Thanks katsenis. I got my scores yesterday from my may 10 exam. Listening 8.5 Reading 7.5 Speaking 7 Writing 7
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lady_artemis
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Sat May 17, 2014 9:46 am
Re: Please mark my essay and make corrections. Thanks
Hi Jaysanvicente congratulations on your IELTS. Hope you don't mind if I squeeze in in your thread. I use your topic in practicing my essay.jaysanvicente wrote:In may countries today, the eating habits and lifestyle of children are different from those of previous generations. Some people say this has had negative effect on their health.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Hi everyone, I will be taking GT IELTS hope someone can help grade my essay please. I would really appreciate all comments.
My essay:
It is indeed that today’s generation has different eating habits and lifestyle as compared to previous generations around the world. There are a lot of contributing factors but let me share three important ones.
First, availability, accessibility and media influence of fast food chains to the consumers. Mc Donalds for instance, the franchise is all over the world that you will not be worried of getting hungry because you knew there would be Mc Donalds somewhere. It is so popular that even a 4-year-old kid who never learned reading can identify it from its logo. Mc Donalds has been a hotspot for students studying since it is open 24hrs unlike the library. Everyone who is always rushing can easily grab and go for their burger and fries.
Second, lack of self-discipline. People may be aware that fast food will have a negative effect on their health but they do not have the urged to stay away from it because it is readily available.
Third, today’s generation there are a lot of working mothers. With their busy schedule, most often than not, they do not have time to prepare decent meal for their kids. Therefore, the fastest way is to pass-by any available drive-through. After office hours, as much as they wanted to cook dinner, they would rather pass by nearest restaurant to buy food.
On the other hand, olden generation, there were only a handful of fast food chains and one must travel several hours to reach the place because there were only few franchise. Furthermore the operating hours were not as flexible as they are today. Looking at Mc Donald history, it started sometime in 1950’s with one branch in California. Hence, in order for one to have a burger and fries, people must go to that said location. On the other note, mothers then stayed at home and ensured their family never left home without taking any healthy home cook meal.
Therefore, every generation differs in eating habits and lifestyle because of what their environment has to offer. However the olden generation also played an important role in making what the present generation is today.