What are the causes of juvenile delinquency and what are your solutions?
In this age of change, the human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. Yet at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of which is young criminals. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some solutions to it.
Chief among the causes of this problem is upbringing environment. Since youngsters frequently imitate their parents’ behavior. For instance, if the child’s father is a theft then the child will have a high possibility to be a theft. It is because the children learn this bad behavior from their parents. Thus, the parents’ acts have profoundly influenced upon their children. As this shows, the parents’ comportment can lead to children to become juvenile delinquency. Another contributing factor would be pornographic and violent movies. As many youths break the laws after watching violence Hollywood movies.
In order to resolve this problem, I believe we must address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the parents to behave themselves. They need to amend their acts in order to be a good model for their offspring. One further measure would be for the government to implement stringent laws to censor the content of each movie and restrict the schoolchildren to watch such movies.
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I contend that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
pls give me advice!! task 2 juvenile delinquency
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rairaichan0323
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- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls give me advice!! task 2 juvenile delinquency
What are the causes of juvenile delinquency and what are your solutions?
In this age of change, the human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. Yet at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of them is juvenile delinquency . ( young criminals -off topic, you can use that word may be in examples, here you need to talk about misbehavior not just young criminals) In this essay, I ( avois personal pronoun, because this question doesn't call for your opinion ) intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some solutions to it. ( This essay is an attempt to analyse the causes of children misbehavior and suggests suitable solutions. ( make, clear nad easy way to understand the main parts of essay, they include thesis , supporting para topic and concluding sentences
Chief among the causes of this problem is upbringing environment. ( unclear topic sentence)Since youngsters frequently imitate their parents’ behavior ( fragments, you started with 'since' but sentence incomplete. For instance, if the child’s father is a theft then the child would have a high possibility to be thief. It is because the children learn this bad behavior from their parents. Thus, the parents’ acts have profoundly influenced upon their children. As this shows, the parents’ comportment can lead to children to become juvenile delinquency. Another contributing factor would be pornographic and violent movies. As many youths break the laws after watching violence Hollywood movies. please rewrite this para, keep one idea and support only that idea
In order to resolve this problem, I ( don't use pronoun)believe we ? must address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the parents to behave themselves. They need to amend their acts in order to be a good model for their offspring. One further measure would be for the government to implement stringent laws to censor the content of each movie and restrict the schoolchildren to watch such movies. again two ideas not fully developed
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I contend that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
overall this not a good ielts essay, in my opinion.
looks like band 5.
Rewrite this essay according to Ryan's guide lines.
In this age of change, the human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. Yet at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of them is juvenile delinquency . ( young criminals -off topic, you can use that word may be in examples, here you need to talk about misbehavior not just young criminals) In this essay, I ( avois personal pronoun, because this question doesn't call for your opinion ) intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some solutions to it. ( This essay is an attempt to analyse the causes of children misbehavior and suggests suitable solutions. ( make, clear nad easy way to understand the main parts of essay, they include thesis , supporting para topic and concluding sentences
Chief among the causes of this problem is upbringing environment. ( unclear topic sentence)Since youngsters frequently imitate their parents’ behavior ( fragments, you started with 'since' but sentence incomplete. For instance, if the child’s father is a theft then the child would have a high possibility to be thief. It is because the children learn this bad behavior from their parents. Thus, the parents’ acts have profoundly influenced upon their children. As this shows, the parents’ comportment can lead to children to become juvenile delinquency. Another contributing factor would be pornographic and violent movies. As many youths break the laws after watching violence Hollywood movies. please rewrite this para, keep one idea and support only that idea
In order to resolve this problem, I ( don't use pronoun)believe we ? must address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the parents to behave themselves. They need to amend their acts in order to be a good model for their offspring. One further measure would be for the government to implement stringent laws to censor the content of each movie and restrict the schoolchildren to watch such movies. again two ideas not fully developed
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I contend that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
overall this not a good ielts essay, in my opinion.
looks like band 5.
Rewrite this essay according to Ryan's guide lines.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
Re: pls give me advice!! task 2 juvenile delinquency
Hello there,
my version of essay please asses it,
Over the last decade, juvenile delinquency has significantly increased all over the world. The percent of teen who offends is so high that it would seem to be the cause of worry. This essay is an attempt to analyse the cause for this delinquency and suggests suitable solution.
Admittedly, juvenile environment have an influence on offending. It includes less parental care, the ways parent discipline a child, specifically harsh punishment, parental separation, monitoring children media channels and parent-child relationship. For instance, when a child is addicted to violent media programs like wrestling, will try to imitate masculinity. Being tough and showing aggression becomes a way to young men to assert or show masculinity. Acting on these ideals may make young men likely to engage in criminal or anti-social activities. Thus, it is clear that young people with lack guidance are more vulnerable to crime.
To overcome the above problem, proper parenting is necessary. Best parental care may include practices such as monitoring offspring's friend circle, parenting education and family counseling. Apart from parenting, behavioral science has to be part of studies. It teaches how to adjust with society, respect fellow people and self improvement. For one take, Japan makes this subject compulsory in junior school, which has very positive effect on Japanese young children. Hence, it is evident that planned measures can prevent juvenile offence.
To sum, the root are causes are clear, and risk can avoid by proper planning. In my opinion, Because of delinquency in youth is influenced by various factors, preventive measures have to be comprehensive in scope. Prevention services may include services such as youth monitoring, parental training, education support and youth shelter.
my version of essay please asses it,
Over the last decade, juvenile delinquency has significantly increased all over the world. The percent of teen who offends is so high that it would seem to be the cause of worry. This essay is an attempt to analyse the cause for this delinquency and suggests suitable solution.
Admittedly, juvenile environment have an influence on offending. It includes less parental care, the ways parent discipline a child, specifically harsh punishment, parental separation, monitoring children media channels and parent-child relationship. For instance, when a child is addicted to violent media programs like wrestling, will try to imitate masculinity. Being tough and showing aggression becomes a way to young men to assert or show masculinity. Acting on these ideals may make young men likely to engage in criminal or anti-social activities. Thus, it is clear that young people with lack guidance are more vulnerable to crime.
To overcome the above problem, proper parenting is necessary. Best parental care may include practices such as monitoring offspring's friend circle, parenting education and family counseling. Apart from parenting, behavioral science has to be part of studies. It teaches how to adjust with society, respect fellow people and self improvement. For one take, Japan makes this subject compulsory in junior school, which has very positive effect on Japanese young children. Hence, it is evident that planned measures can prevent juvenile offence.
To sum, the root are causes are clear, and risk can avoid by proper planning. In my opinion, Because of delinquency in youth is influenced by various factors, preventive measures have to be comprehensive in scope. Prevention services may include services such as youth monitoring, parental training, education support and youth shelter.
Re: pls give me advice!! task 2 juvenile delinquency
What are the causes of juvenile delinquency and what are your solutions?
In this age of change, the (do not need definite article here. You are speaking of society in general) human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. Yet at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of which is young criminals. In this essay, I (good way to address the prompt. It does as for YOUR solutions! Good job intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some solutions to it.
Chief among the causes of this problem is upbringing environment (A better way to express this might be "the environment in which children are raised." . Since youngsters frequently imitate their parents’ behavior (This is not a complete sentence. There needs to be a verb. It is a dependent clause the way it is written) . For instance, if the child’s father is a theft thief then the child will have a high possibility to be a theft. thief It is because the (again, you are speaking of children in general, so you do not need "the"). children learn this bad behavior from their parents. Thus, the parents’ acts have profoundly influenced upon ('Influence' can take a preposition, but not when it is used as a transitive verb, like it is being used here" their children. As this shows, the parents’ comportment (how parents act) can lead to children to become (becoming) juvenile delinquency (deliquents) . Another contributing factor would be pornographic and violent movies. As many youths break the laws after watching violence (violent. You need to use an adjective here) Hollywood movies. (Here is another dependent clause. It is not a complete sentence).
In order to resolve this problem, I believe we must address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the parents to behave themselves. They need to amend their acts in order to be a good model for their offspring. One further measure would be for the government to implement stringent laws to censor the content of each movie and restrict the schoolchildren to (from watching) watch such movies.
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I contend that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
This essay has many good qualities. If it were to be graded today, it would likely earn:
Coherence and cohesion =6
Task Response: 7
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Next steps: Look out for use of preposition and articles.Be careful not to use a dependent clause all alone.
In this age of change, the (do not need definite article here. You are speaking of society in general) human society is progressing rapidly on various fronts. Yet at the same time, many problems have arisen, a serious one of which is young criminals. In this essay, I (good way to address the prompt. It does as for YOUR solutions! Good job intend to explore the sources of this problem along with some solutions to it.
Chief among the causes of this problem is upbringing environment (A better way to express this might be "the environment in which children are raised." . Since youngsters frequently imitate their parents’ behavior (This is not a complete sentence. There needs to be a verb. It is a dependent clause the way it is written) . For instance, if the child’s father is a theft thief then the child will have a high possibility to be a theft. thief It is because the (again, you are speaking of children in general, so you do not need "the"). children learn this bad behavior from their parents. Thus, the parents’ acts have profoundly influenced upon ('Influence' can take a preposition, but not when it is used as a transitive verb, like it is being used here" their children. As this shows, the parents’ comportment (how parents act) can lead to children to become (becoming) juvenile delinquency (deliquents) . Another contributing factor would be pornographic and violent movies. As many youths break the laws after watching violence (violent. You need to use an adjective here) Hollywood movies. (Here is another dependent clause. It is not a complete sentence).
In order to resolve this problem, I believe we must address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing this would be for the parents to behave themselves. They need to amend their acts in order to be a good model for their offspring. One further measure would be for the government to implement stringent laws to censor the content of each movie and restrict the schoolchildren to (from watching) watch such movies.
In conclusion, I believe that this is clearly a problem of such complexity that no solution is likely in the short term. However, I contend that the measures outlined above would constitute a good first step.
This essay has many good qualities. If it were to be graded today, it would likely earn:
Coherence and cohesion =6
Task Response: 7
Lexical Resource: 6
Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Next steps: Look out for use of preposition and articles.Be careful not to use a dependent clause all alone.
-
rairaichan0323
- Posts: 196
- Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:03 am
Re: pls give me advice!! task 2 juvenile delinquency
thank you Durai and katseins
could u help me to check this easy. i have a doubt of my supporting pionts. thank you for ur helping.
this is the link
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.p ... 3671#p3671
could u help me to check this easy. i have a doubt of my supporting pionts. thank you for ur helping.
this is the link
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.p ... 3671#p3671