General trainig 120218 T2

[allen_zhang]

120218 It is better for children to grow up in the countryside instead of cities. Do you agree or disagree?
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People have different views on whether the countryside or big cities are the better place for children to grow up in. While I accept that living in rural areas has certain benefits for children’s growth, I believe that cities are more suitable for children.

On the one hand, growing up in rural areas has some advantages. One of them is that rural life is healthier in comparison with big cities. Besides the cleaner water and fresher air, rural children have more opportunities to enjoy outdoor activities. For exmaple, they can do tree climing or horse riding when their urban counterparts are playing computer games. Furthermore, rural life are quieter and more peaceful, which can help cultivate children’s personalities. This is why rural children tend to be politer , calmer and are offten better in coping with stress.

However, dispite all the possible benefits of coutry life, I would agure that living in big cities is more suitable for children. Firstly, cities have better education facilities. Children living in urban areas usually get better education than those who live in rural areas. This is very important for the future life and career of them in this highly competitive society. Secondly, the social life of urban children tend to be richer than that of country boys and girls'. Cities have parks, cinemas, museums, sports complexs and other recreational facilities, where children can enjoy their spare time with there friends and classmates. Childen in rural areas usually do not have access to these facilities.

To conclude, although there are some benefits for children to live in countryside, cities are still the better place for them to study and entertain and happily grow up.

[Guru]

People have different views on whether the countryside or big cities are the better place for children to grow up in. While I accept that living in rural areas has certain benefits for children’s growth, I believe that cities are more suitable for children.

On the one hand, growing up in rural areas has some advantages. One of them is that rural life is healthier in comparison with big cities. Besides [having access to] the cleaner [potable] water and fresher [clean] air, rural children in rural areas have more opportunities to enjoy outdoor activities. For exmaple [example], they can [engage themselves in physical activities that keep them fit like ] do tree climing[climbing] or horse riding when their urban counterparts [in urban areas] are playing [play sedentary] computer games. Furthermore, rural life are[is] quieter and more peaceful, which can help cultivate children’s personalities [mould children's nature to be more calm, peace loving and friendly]. This is why rural children tend to be politer , calmer and are offten better in coping with stress. [This may help children to better cope with stressful situations in their future workplace]

However, dispite[despite] all the possible benefits of coutry[country] life, I would agure[argue] that living in big cities is more suitable for children. Firstly, cities have better educational facilities. Children living in urban areas usually get better education than those who live in rural areas [This sentence is a repetition of the previous sentence/idea]. This is very important for their future life and career of them[not required] especially in this highly competitive society. Secondly, the social life of urban children tends to be richer than that of countryside boys and girls' [Apostrophe not required] . Cities have parks, cinemas, museums, sports complexes and other recreational facilities,[comma not required] where children can enjoy their spare time with there [their] friends and classmates. Children in rural areas usually do not have access to these facilities.

To conclude, although there are some benefits for children to live in [the] countryside, cities are still the [a] better place for them to study and ,[put comma instead of and] entertain and [grow] happily grow up.

Hi allen_zhang,

Overall ideas were good but there is a lot of scope for improvement. Task response was fine. A lot of spelling and grammatical mistakes. Lack of cohesion and coherence. Use of vocabulary could be improved upon.

I'd give a band 5.5 or 6 to this essay.

[allen_zhang]

Thanks Guru,
This one lack grammar cleanup. And I spotted too many typos.

Can you help me to check this one?
http://www.ieltsnetwork.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1182


BR!
Allen