Kindly evaluate and rate General writing task 1 - local council is considering closing a sports and leisure centre

[abhi9520]

Your valueable feedback is needed regarding any mistake, vocabulary range, grammar, response understanding, suggestions to improve and overall score.
What phrases or sentences are irrelevant and you do not like?

Many thanks in advance.

Question:
Your local council is considering closing a sports and leisure centre that it runs, in order to save money. Write a letter to the council. In your letter
- give details of how you and your friends or family use the centre
- explain why the sports and leisure centre is important for the local community
- describe the possible effects on local people if the centre closes

Response:


Dear Sir,

Hope this letter finds you in good health. I am writing to express my concern on closure of the sports and leisure centre, The Pioneer Health Club in Kailash Colony, Delhi.

I would like to state that the centre is a vital for our society. It provides all the necessary facilities such as Gym, Badminton and Football court, Aerobics classes and many more at one place. All of my friends and family members use these facilties regularly to stay fit and healthy. I pesonally use badminton and gym facilities provided by the club daily in the evening. Moreover, several families often visit the centre to relax on weekends. Closure of the club will have a negative impact on local residents as there is no other sports club nearby. This will make their lifestyle sedentary and adversely affect their health.

Due to these reasons, I respectfully suggest that the centre should not be closed. If there is a financial issue, the club membership rates may be increased for smooth functioning and maintanence of the centre.

I hope my concern is addressed and appropriate action is taken in this regard.

Yours sincerely,
John Smith

[Theieltsguy]

Hi.

This is a very strong response. I have suggested a few minor changes below.

I hope, instead of Hope.

At the proposed closure, instead of on closure

Is a vital resource, instead of is a vital

Courts, instead of court

Use the, instead of use

Every evening, instead of daily in the evening

For these reasons, instead of due to these reasons.

I hope this helps. You might like to review my IELTS website at www.theieltsguy.com.

Regards

The Ielts Guy