120331 Parents today leave home for business trips. What are the effects on children and other family members?
Many working adults have to take business trips nowadays. However, business travel, especially frequent travel and long term travel, could have significant impact on traveler’s family members.
Children, especially young children, are the most significantly affected family members by their parent’s business trip. Due to the absence of parent, little children may miss their Mam or Dad and they often feel lonely and unsafe. They miss their daily routine activities with the travelling parent, such as reading at bedtime, help with homework, going to movies or the park, advice about school or friends etc. Furthermore, children may be disappointed when their parent misses special celebrations and activities like birthdays, school performances and holidays. More importantly, all these problems sometimes may lead to undesired children’s behavioral changes like, for example, crying, nervousness, arguing with parents and defying rules at home or at school.
The marital separation caused by frequent work travel also brings troubles to traveler’s spouse. Firstly, home spouses often experience loneliness and fear on their husband or wife’s absence. This is especially true on evenings or weekends. Secondly, being left behind to manage the household and make decisions alone may make home spouses feel anger and resentment. This problem may finally lead to a gradually emotional distancing between spouses. Finally, home spouses often worry about the safety of their husband or wife. This can become even worse when lack of contact for a long time.
To conclude, frequent work travel or long term travel poses many negative impacts on traveler’s children and spouse. This problem is worth attention from both travelers and their employers.
120331 General training, parenting essay
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
120331 General training, parenting essay
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: 120331 General training, parenting essay
Many working adults have to take business trips nowadays. However, business travel, especially frequent "travel " not required and long term travel, could have significant impact on traveler’s family (remove "members",.
Children, especially ( repeated word, you may use "particularly" young children, are the most significantly ( significant or most )affected ( better don't use words from question "family members " by their parent’s business trip. Due to the absence of a parent, a little children may miss their father or mother, and they often feel lonely and unsafe. They miss their daily routine activities with the travelling parent, such as reading at bedtime, help with homework, going to movies or the park, advice about school or friends etc. Furthermore, the children may be disappointed when their parent misses special celebrations and activities like birthdays, school performances and holidays. More importantly, all these problems sometimes may lead to undesired children’s behavioral changes like, for example, crying, nervousness, arguing with parents and defying rules at home or at school. ( sentences are bit awkward, try to think more academic, i am not convinced after this paragraph, because too many ideas, none of explained in detail. just get, one idea, an give detail explanation with examples
The marital separation caused by frequent work travel also brings troubles to traveler’s spouse. Firstly, home spouses often experience loneliness and fear on their husband or wife’s absence. This is especially true on evenings or weekends. Secondly, being left behind to manage the household and make decisions alone may make home spouses feel anger and resentment. This problem may finally lead to a gradually emotional distancing between spouses. Finally, home spouses often worry about the safety of their husband or wife. This can become even worse when lack of contact for a long time. |( this paragraph is much better than previous, but what is the need for sequencing points, instead relate all points together
To conclude, frequent work travel or long term travel poses many negative impacts on traveler’s children and spouse. This problem is worth attention from both travelers and their employers.
repeated words :
travel 6
children 5
home 4
spouses 4
business 3
school 3
traveler’s 3
parent 3
frequent 3
especially 3
long 3
try to avoid repeating words, without using any highly sophisticated word , it is possible to get band 9, just by not repeating words. it also one kind of method to prove examiner you have very good lexical resource. while writing check for words taht you repeat and try to find alternate word.
task response is visible nut not convinced different reasons and examples.
sample: Frequent travel by either spouses acts as a catalyst for bigger separation among them, and sometimes it breaks the relationship. This means that neither husband nor wife has opportunity to spend quality time, and as a result the intimacy and love would be excessively reduced . For instance, in Australia, many studies unequivocally proved that the divorce rate is significantly increasing among the police families. This is because of job nature they need to work far away from home which reduces closeness and affection. Thus, this makes clear that business travel acts as precursor for breakup among families.
total 94 words...
i would suggest to write balanced essay:
intro : 50-60 wrods
1st supposrting para : 80-90 words
2nd- 80-90 words
conclusion: 40-50
total- 260 - 270 words.
for this question I would take neutral approach of talking about both positive and negative effects, so I can show the ability to analyse questions in different angel.
intro:
business trips have - both positive and negative effects
SP1: why it is positive
people move around , more exposure -increase their profit - family enjoys rich life
SP2: how family life is affecting
children feel desperate , wife feel loneliness..you can add all family members in one line , how they are having hard time in the absence of person who gone on trip.
conclusion: stay neutral---because you didn't ask for give your opinion. tell some recommendations how to avoid such problem.
Children, especially ( repeated word, you may use "particularly" young children, are the most significantly ( significant or most )affected ( better don't use words from question "family members " by their parent’s business trip. Due to the absence of a parent, a little children may miss their father or mother, and they often feel lonely and unsafe. They miss their daily routine activities with the travelling parent, such as reading at bedtime, help with homework, going to movies or the park, advice about school or friends etc. Furthermore, the children may be disappointed when their parent misses special celebrations and activities like birthdays, school performances and holidays. More importantly, all these problems sometimes may lead to undesired children’s behavioral changes like, for example, crying, nervousness, arguing with parents and defying rules at home or at school. ( sentences are bit awkward, try to think more academic, i am not convinced after this paragraph, because too many ideas, none of explained in detail. just get, one idea, an give detail explanation with examples
The marital separation caused by frequent work travel also brings troubles to traveler’s spouse. Firstly, home spouses often experience loneliness and fear on their husband or wife’s absence. This is especially true on evenings or weekends. Secondly, being left behind to manage the household and make decisions alone may make home spouses feel anger and resentment. This problem may finally lead to a gradually emotional distancing between spouses. Finally, home spouses often worry about the safety of their husband or wife. This can become even worse when lack of contact for a long time. |( this paragraph is much better than previous, but what is the need for sequencing points, instead relate all points together
To conclude, frequent work travel or long term travel poses many negative impacts on traveler’s children and spouse. This problem is worth attention from both travelers and their employers.
repeated words :
travel 6
children 5
home 4
spouses 4
business 3
school 3
traveler’s 3
parent 3
frequent 3
especially 3
long 3
try to avoid repeating words, without using any highly sophisticated word , it is possible to get band 9, just by not repeating words. it also one kind of method to prove examiner you have very good lexical resource. while writing check for words taht you repeat and try to find alternate word.
task response is visible nut not convinced different reasons and examples.
sample: Frequent travel by either spouses acts as a catalyst for bigger separation among them, and sometimes it breaks the relationship. This means that neither husband nor wife has opportunity to spend quality time, and as a result the intimacy and love would be excessively reduced . For instance, in Australia, many studies unequivocally proved that the divorce rate is significantly increasing among the police families. This is because of job nature they need to work far away from home which reduces closeness and affection. Thus, this makes clear that business travel acts as precursor for breakup among families.
total 94 words...
i would suggest to write balanced essay:
intro : 50-60 wrods
1st supposrting para : 80-90 words
2nd- 80-90 words
conclusion: 40-50
total- 260 - 270 words.
for this question I would take neutral approach of talking about both positive and negative effects, so I can show the ability to analyse questions in different angel.
intro:
business trips have - both positive and negative effects
SP1: why it is positive
people move around , more exposure -increase their profit - family enjoys rich life
SP2: how family life is affecting
children feel desperate , wife feel loneliness..you can add all family members in one line , how they are having hard time in the absence of person who gone on trip.
conclusion: stay neutral---because you didn't ask for give your opinion. tell some recommendations how to avoid such problem.
JAN 2014 L 8.5 R 8 W 6.5 S 6.5
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
FEB 2014 L 8 R 8 W 7 S 6.5
APR 2014 L 8 R 9 W 6.5 S 7
JUN 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6
July 2014 L 8.5 R 7 W 6.5 S 6.5
OCT 2014 L 7.5 R 7 W 7 S 7
-
allen_zhang
- Posts: 362
- Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:41 am
Re: 120331 General training, parenting essay
Thank you, Durai,
Generally, I think you are wrong about the question:
120331 Parents today leave home for business trips. What are the effects on children and other family members
As you can see, this question is about the impact on children and family members. Talking aboout economic benefits of family might not be what it really meant! so I believe it is better to just write one side.
"a little children " is wrong and I just don't want to use "a child" so I used "little children".
Regarding repeating words, I agree with you that it is better use different words, but rather than making mistake, I prefer using the one that I am 100% sure.
"the children" is also wrong.
to me,"most significantly affected" sounds ok, but I am not sure.
Regarding the "father and mother". I saw a lot of academic essays use "Mom and Dad". I assume that this sounds more nantural because it looks like talking about a child's feeling.
Generally, I think you are wrong about the question:
120331 Parents today leave home for business trips. What are the effects on children and other family members
As you can see, this question is about the impact on children and family members. Talking aboout economic benefits of family might not be what it really meant! so I believe it is better to just write one side.
"a little children " is wrong and I just don't want to use "a child" so I used "little children".
Regarding repeating words, I agree with you that it is better use different words, but rather than making mistake, I prefer using the one that I am 100% sure.
"the children" is also wrong.
to me,"most significantly affected" sounds ok, but I am not sure.
Regarding the "father and mother". I saw a lot of academic essays use "Mom and Dad". I assume that this sounds more nantural because it looks like talking about a child's feeling.
#1 2013-09-07 L7.5; R8; S6; W6
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
#2 2014-03-08 L7.5; R7; S7; W5.5
#3 2014-05-10 L7.5; R8; S6.5; W6
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S5.5; W7
#4 2014-06-21 L7.5; R6.5; S7; W5.5
Re: 120331 General training, parenting essay
Kids do not get enough time to spend with their parents which is very much needed that they get time for creating a bonding with their parents and at the same time getting help through the existing things through people always works for us.
If we get to be aware of the things like jacksonville to new york city which are so useful for traveling we get a lot of help.