Please evaluate my second essay for Task 1

[Rahebb]

The given table illustrates the information about the proportion of passengers who travelled via three large airports in Britain over a five-year period from 1998 and 2003.

Overall, what stands out from the graph shows that there was an upward trend in the number people who used Gatwick airport in comparison to the other two major airports namely, Heathrow and Stansted, which went through a period of fluctuation during the period in the question. What's more, it is also worth mentioning that Gatwick was the most popular airport of choice for travelers both in 1998 and 2003.

Looking at the details, it is clear that Gatwick airport commenced the year 1998 at 36.5 million. This figure then was followed by a steady increase to 44.4 million in 2000, after which it rose consistently to 47.3, 51.1, and 69.3 million in 2001, 2002 and 2003 respectively.

By contrast, the number of travelers who decided to use Heathrow airport rose by 33 percent, from 27.2 million in 1998 to 36.4 in 1999. This figure then experienced a considerable rise to 48.2 million in 2000, being the highest number of people who traveled via this airport. Having fallen significantly to 37.1 million in 2001 and 33.2 million in 2002, this figure then saw a dramatic increase to 45.6 million in in the last year. Regarding Stansted airport, beginning the year 1998 at 17.3 million, it had the least popularity among British travelers compared to other major airports. What followed this was a surge in the number travelers to 39.9 in 2000. Subsequently, this figure remained stable at 43.3 million over the last three years.

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission raheb!! Please see my rewrite below ...

The table PROVIDED BELOW illustrates (delete 'the information about') the proportion of passengers who travelled via three large airports in Britain over a five-year period from 1998 and 2003.

Overall, what stands out from the graph IS that there was an upward trend in the number people who used Gatwick Airport (capital 'A' for airport) in comparison to the other two major airports, namely Heathrow and Stansted, which (Gatwick, Heathrow, or Stansted??) went through a period of fluctuation during the period in the question. What's more, it is also worth mentioning that Gatwick was the most popular airport of choice for travelers both in 1998 and 2003.

Looking IN MORE DETAIL, it is clear that Gatwick Airport (capital 'A') commenced the year 1998 WITH 36.5 million VISITORS. This figure was THEN followed by a steady increase to 44.4 million in 2000, after which it rose consistently to 47.3, 51.1, and 69.3 million in 2001, 2002 and 2003 respectively.

By contrast, the number of travelers who decided to use Heathrow airport rose by 33 percent, from 27.2 million in 1998 to 36.4 in 1999. This figure then experienced a considerable rise to 48.2 million in 2000, being the highest number of people who traveled via this airport. Having fallen significantly to 37.1 million in 2001 and 33.2 million in 2002, this figure then saw a dramatic increase to 45.6 million in the last year. Regarding Stansted Airport, beginning the year 1998 at 17.3 million, it had the least popularity among British travelers compared to other major airports. What followed this was a surge in the number travelers to 39.9 in 2000. Subsequently, this figure remained stable at 43.3 million over the last three years.

Advice:
1. Put punctuation in the correct place. The comma should come after 'airports' not 'after 'namely'.
2. Make sure you use capitals for names of airport. 'airport', but 'Heathrow Airport'.
3. Combine the first sentence with the 'Overall..." sentence to make an introduction.

Nearly perfect task 1. Great job!
TA: 8.0
G: 7.5
V: 8.0
CC: 8.0