pls give ur opinion of my essay! ( increase price of fuel)

[rairaichan0323]

Some people think the best way to solve environmental problems is to raise the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree?

In the present age, the proliferation of pollution is profoundly detrimental influence upon the world. Some people argue that the optimum way to settle environmental problems is to increase the price of fuel. I disagreed that raising the price of fuel is not a good way to clean up the matter. This argument will be proven by looking at how using other clean substances and separating rubbish for recycling can resolve the environmental issues.

First of all, it is an undeniable fact that people can use alternative energy to tackle envirnoment problems instead of just increasing the cost of fuel. For instance, government can encourage people to use solar vehicle which is environmentally-friendly product. Thus, using like as this eco-friendly product can help to address surroundings matters. As this shows that raising the price of fuel is not the excellent method to resolve this issue.

Secondly and even more importantly, the government can educate citizens to distinguish wastes for recycling. To take Japan as an example, the residents have to separate their rubbish before throwing and they have to follow the certain schedule to throw it. This makes it clear that it can motivate the dwellers to contribute to preserve the word. It is obvious from this that there are several effective means to tackle the problems rather than increase the price of fuel.

Following this look at how using alternatives clean substances and recycling can help to address the environmental issues, it has been proven that augmenting the cost of fuel is not the first-rate manner to settle these serious problems. Also, I believe that it is highly advisable for the government to raise the public awareness of the significance of preserving the surroundings.

[durai]

In the present age, the proliferation of pollution is profoundly detrimental influence upon the world. Some people argue that the optimum way to settle environmental problems is to increase the price of fuel. I disagreed that raising the price of fuel is not an effective way to clean up the issues. This argument will be proven by looking at how the environmental issues can be resolved by using other clean substances and by separating rubbish for recycling. (i just rearranged your words)

First of all, it is an undeniable fact that people can use alternative energy to tackle envirnomental problems instead of just increasing the cost of fuel. For instance, government can encourage people to use solar vehicle ( what you mean by solar vehicle, you need to explain, istead you can battery powered vehicle which is environment-friendly product. Thus, using eco-friendly product can help to address surroundings matters. As this shows that raising the price of fuel is not the excellent method to resolve this issue. unlcear paragraph, i didnt come to a conclusion why fuel price shouldnot be increased


Secondly and even more importantly, the government can educate citizens to separate wastes for recycling. To take Japan as an example, the residents have to separate their rubbish before throwing and they have to follow the certain schedule to throw it. This makes it clear that it can motivate the dwellers to contribute to preserve the word. It is obvious from this that there are several effective means to tackle the problems rather than increase the price of fuel. (here the idea is clear but not expanded well)

Following this look at how using alternatives clean substances and recycling can help to address the environmental issues, it has been proven that augmenting the cost of fuel is not the first-rate manner to settle these serious problems. Also, I believe that it is highly advisable for the government to raise the public awareness of the significance of preserving the surroundings.


I think clarity is missing, keep you sentences simple , don't go for sentences more than 20 words in length.

the above could get you band 6, but I am not sure

Durai

[rairaichan0323]

thank you Durai ! really thank you for ur comments