Please benchmark my Letter with band 9

[saqibali]

You are studying English at a private language school attended by many international students. You are planning a surprise birthday party for a friend who has been feeling particularly sad and homesick. Write to another classmate and invite him / her to the party. In your letter:
• explain the reason for the party
• give the date and time of the party
• suggest what the classmate could bring to the party


Dear Zubair,
I hope you are fine. Let me invite you to an amazing party, we planned for Mr. Kashif.
As you may have noticed, Kashif has been absent from few classes recently. You may be aware that he has been through some personal issues which have affected his mood and attitude in class negatively. Since, his family was not available here to console him, his situation was aggravated. Luckily, his birthday is round the corner and we have planned an amazing surprising party to alleviate his sad feelings.
Since many students are not residing in hostels, weekend would be an ideal time for party, I imagine. I would suggest 7 pm in evening so that everyone could easily attend the party.
To make event a memorable, I am requesting all classmates to bring some gift, sweets and some fire cracks in party.
Looking forward to see you in party,

XYZ

[saqibali]

Dear Zubair,
I hope you are enjoying best of your life. I am pleasantly motivated to invite you for a surprised birthday party, we planned to throw for our classmate, Ansar. As you might be well aware that Ansar has been absent from recent classes due to his personal and family issues. Clearly, I noticed his mood is negatively affected by recent turmoil that he experienced. Since, his family is not living with him to console him, we decided to apprise him by a surprised birthday party.
Since many students are not residing in hostel, weekend would be the best time for the party, I propose. I suggest 7 pm in evening so that everyone could easily be available to attend the party.
To make event more memorable, I request all participants to bring a special gifts, sweets or some fire crackers.
Looking forward to see you in party,

XYZ

[saqibali]

Anyone to post reply?