Do you think film and sports stars are paid too much money? Give
your opinion, and your reasons for having that opinion.
Agree or Disagree..?
It is true that film and sports stars are paid heavily. We read in the newspaper,
magazines that certain sportsperson or film star has been paid hefty amount for their
performances. Is it too much ? In this decade where problems such as poverty, malnutrition,
unemployment is to be overcome, yes , it is too much. On the whole, however, I do agree
that a lot of money is being spent on film and sport stars.
In this glamorous world where media dominates in every aspects of society, they had created
such a hype and images of stars. This stars indirectly get paid from people. We rush to the
multiplexes or sportscentre when new movie is released or any new sports tournament starts.
We want entertainment in our lives and we people are always ready to pay. But, Is it really
necessary ? I don't think we need to spend such a massive money only for entertainment.
Money which is spent on stars should be used for other purposes. In recent days Real Madrid
spent around 100 million euros to buy a player. Taking into account the current economic
condition of Spain this money should be used for creating jobs and fulfilling basic needs
of people which will help in improving overall growth of country.In our country also vast
amount of money is spent in tournament like IPL even though country is struggling in various
areas. I think we should concentrate on removing malice of poverty, illiteracy , inferior
living standard instead of paying fees of celebrities. We know that this stars are highly
talented and they are hard working, but amount of money tag on them is inappropriate. There
should be an balance in society otherwise rich will keep on growing rich and poor will not
get a fair value for their talent.
It is true that money has spoiled film and sport professional to some extent. But their salaries
are absurdly high. I am not sure that someone playing football is really worth 100 million euros.
They do serve as a incentive to us but that is completely a different topic.In general,this
stars do deserve their sum but not in a such a staggering amount, nowadays spent on them.
Comment on my essay
Re: Comment on my essay
Hi Ashwin,
Your essay is much to personal in tone. Using pronouns and asking rhetorical questions make your essay read as though it were a letter. Thus, instead of lines like "we read in the newspaper...", try "many newspapers report...".
Your thesis isn't clear. The question asks if you think film and sports stars are paid too much. Your thesis states that "a lot of money is being spent...". This is not in keeping with the question.
Because of the above issues, I imagine your examiner would mentally start positioning you as a band 5 or lower before they even finish reading your introduction. I see more of the same mistakes throughout the rest of the essay, so this band assumption is accurate.
Please watch my videos on essay structure. Cut out the personal language and questions. Then resubmit this essay and we can note the areas of improvement.
Good luck.
Your essay is much to personal in tone. Using pronouns and asking rhetorical questions make your essay read as though it were a letter. Thus, instead of lines like "we read in the newspaper...", try "many newspapers report...".
Your thesis isn't clear. The question asks if you think film and sports stars are paid too much. Your thesis states that "a lot of money is being spent...". This is not in keeping with the question.
Because of the above issues, I imagine your examiner would mentally start positioning you as a band 5 or lower before they even finish reading your introduction. I see more of the same mistakes throughout the rest of the essay, so this band assumption is accurate.
Please watch my videos on essay structure. Cut out the personal language and questions. Then resubmit this essay and we can note the areas of improvement.
Good luck.
