Pollution in several forms is damaging our environment, however many positive steps were taken in the past to overcome this issue in the twentieth century but more efforts required in upcoming days. It is agreed that environmental pollution is now a global issue to cure and this needs extra attention. This will be analyzed by looking at individual and government initiatives to use more renewable energy and promote environmental awareness campaign.
Firstly, in the past, many inventions were performed to develop cheaper resources for renewable energy, but it is still extremely expensive. For example, Solar energy penal is still not as cheaper as petrol. However, the gap is filling rapidly on exponential pace, but it is still not in range of common men. Moreover, the government also taking the initiative to restrict excess use of patrol by raising the petrol price but users are not diverting to renewable resources. So the government should try to reduce the price of the solar panel so that the general public can use it. Thus, environmental protection steps can be seen in the above example.
Additionally, education campaigning should be arranged to aware of the public on the detrimental effects of environmental pollution on health.This awareness can be given through the internet and television. For instance, Advertisement on TV and the internet is the best way to aware of mankind as this advert can be seen by everyone globally. Facebook is one of the leading websites accessing all over the world by running an environmental awareness advert that could be beneficial for this awareness campaigning. In this way, environmental protection will speed up, and pollution can be controlled.
To sum up, environmental pollution can be reduced by the easy availability of cheaper solar energy equipment and let people know about the adverse ramification of pollution on their health. I hope the clean environment is possible in the foreseeable future when joint efforts will be taken by individuals and the government.
environmental protection and pollution
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goldcoastielts
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Re: environmental protection and pollution
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Thanks for your submission lalitkakkar!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO
Several DIFFERENT forms OF POLLUTION ARE BADLY damaging our environment. HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH many positive steps were taken in the past to overcome this issue, more efforts WILL BE required in upcoming days. It is agreed that environmental pollution is now a global issue THAT NEEDS A SOLUTION and this needs extra attention. This PROBLEM will be analyzed by looking at individual and government initiatives SUCH AS usING more renewable energy and THE PROMOTION OF environmental awareness campaignS.
B1:
Firstly, in the past, SCIENTISTS CAME UP WITH MANY NEW INVENTIONS to develop cheaper resources for renewable energy, but THIS is still AN extremely expensive OPTION COMPARED TO COAL, OIL AND NUCLEAR POWER. For example, solar (no capital 's') energy pAnEls ARE still not as cheap as petrol. However, the gap is CLOSING rapidly AT AN exponential pace, but it is still not in range of THE AVERAGE MAN. Moreover, the government IS also taking the initiative to restrict THE excess use of PETROL by raising ITS price, but users are STILL not diverting to renewable resources. THIS IS WHY the government should try to reduce the price of solar panelS so that the general public can use THEM. Thus, environmental protection steps can be seen in the above example.
B2:
Additionally, education campaigning should be arranged to MAKE the public AWARE OF the detrimental effects of environmental pollution on HUMAN health.This awareness can be given through the internet and television. For instance, avertisements (No capital ''a' and must be plural) on TV and the internet ARE the best way to MAKE mankind AWARE as THEY can be seen by everyone globally. FURTHER, Facebook is one of the leading websites THAT IS accessED all over the world AND CAN BE USED TO run environmental awareness advertS that could be beneficial for this awareness campaigning. In this way, environmental protection will speed up, and pollution can be controlled.
CONC:
To sum up, environmental pollution can be reduced by MAKING solar energy equipment MORE CHEAPLY AVAILABLE and letTING people know about the adverse ramificationS of pollution on their health. I hope A clean environment WILL BE possible in the foreseeable future when joint efforts will be taken by individuals and the government.
ADVICE:
1. Make sure your subject-verb number agreement is correct. This is quite a basic problem and will decrease your "G" score a lot.
2. Some of the collocations are unnatural sounding ("to make mankind aware" NOT "to aware mankind)
3. In the conclusion "I" could be replaced with "It is hoped that..."
TA: 6.5
G: 6.0 or less
V: 6.0 (some good but a lot of spelling mistakes)
CC: 5.5
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission lalitkakkar!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO
Several DIFFERENT forms OF POLLUTION ARE BADLY damaging our environment. HOWEVER, ALTHOUGH many positive steps were taken in the past to overcome this issue, more efforts WILL BE required in upcoming days. It is agreed that environmental pollution is now a global issue THAT NEEDS A SOLUTION and this needs extra attention. This PROBLEM will be analyzed by looking at individual and government initiatives SUCH AS usING more renewable energy and THE PROMOTION OF environmental awareness campaignS.
B1:
Firstly, in the past, SCIENTISTS CAME UP WITH MANY NEW INVENTIONS to develop cheaper resources for renewable energy, but THIS is still AN extremely expensive OPTION COMPARED TO COAL, OIL AND NUCLEAR POWER. For example, solar (no capital 's') energy pAnEls ARE still not as cheap as petrol. However, the gap is CLOSING rapidly AT AN exponential pace, but it is still not in range of THE AVERAGE MAN. Moreover, the government IS also taking the initiative to restrict THE excess use of PETROL by raising ITS price, but users are STILL not diverting to renewable resources. THIS IS WHY the government should try to reduce the price of solar panelS so that the general public can use THEM. Thus, environmental protection steps can be seen in the above example.
B2:
Additionally, education campaigning should be arranged to MAKE the public AWARE OF the detrimental effects of environmental pollution on HUMAN health.This awareness can be given through the internet and television. For instance, avertisements (No capital ''a' and must be plural) on TV and the internet ARE the best way to MAKE mankind AWARE as THEY can be seen by everyone globally. FURTHER, Facebook is one of the leading websites THAT IS accessED all over the world AND CAN BE USED TO run environmental awareness advertS that could be beneficial for this awareness campaigning. In this way, environmental protection will speed up, and pollution can be controlled.
CONC:
To sum up, environmental pollution can be reduced by MAKING solar energy equipment MORE CHEAPLY AVAILABLE and letTING people know about the adverse ramificationS of pollution on their health. I hope A clean environment WILL BE possible in the foreseeable future when joint efforts will be taken by individuals and the government.
ADVICE:
1. Make sure your subject-verb number agreement is correct. This is quite a basic problem and will decrease your "G" score a lot.
2. Some of the collocations are unnatural sounding ("to make mankind aware" NOT "to aware mankind)
3. In the conclusion "I" could be replaced with "It is hoped that..."
TA: 6.5
G: 6.0 or less
V: 6.0 (some good but a lot of spelling mistakes)
CC: 5.5
