Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Our environment has been disrupted greatly in the last century or so and has already reached a damage point of no return. To say that individuals can do nothing to improve the situation and only government and large companies can make a difference is not entirely true. This essay will discuss the importance of individual actions.
We as inhabitants of earth have an individual carbon footprint. This carbon print directly contributes towards the global warming. Our dietary habits, dependence on non recyclable products, burning of fossil fuels etc. All of these directly have a polluting effect on our environment. To an extent, we have autonomy over these actions and making educated, environmentally responsible choices would drastically reduce our carbon print and will lead to less environmental pollution.
Moreover, It is us humans who are the primary consumers of earth's resources and it befalls on us to utilize them in a sustainable manner. The more educated you become about the implications of your actions on the climate, the better your choices become.
However, It is not easy to bring about massive changes with small numbers. It is a fact that most environmentally conscious countries have strong government policies boasting big budgets allocated to clean green energy. But ultimately no action by the government would be fruitful if the general public was non-abiding.
In my opinion, the state is as good as it's public and mirrors the opinion of the masses. I wholeheartedly agree that a cleaner environment is each and everyone's responsibility and no change can occur if people refuse to take action on an individual level.
writing task 2 please evaluate
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Re: writing task 2 please evaluate
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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IN THE LAST CENTURY OR SO, our environment has been disrupted and has already reached a damage point of no return. To say that individuals can do nothing to improve the situation and only governmentS and large companies can make a difference is not entirely true. This essay will discuss the importance of individual actions AND WHY THEY ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THOSE OF GOVERNMENTS.
B1:
We as inhabitants of earth have an individual carbon footprint WHICH directly contributes towards (delete 'the') global warming. Our dietary habits, dependence on non-recyclable (add hyphen) products, AND burning of fossil fuels (DELETE 'etc.') all (delete 'of these') directly have a polluting effect on our environment. To an extent, we have CONTROL over these actions, (add comma)and making educated, environmentally responsible choices would drastically reduce our carbon FOOTprint and (delete 'will') lead to less environmental pollution.
B2:
Moreover, it (small 'i') is us humans who are the primary consumers of earth's resources and it befalls on us to utilize them in a sustainable manner. The more educated you become about the implications of your actions on the climate, the better your choices become. FOR EXAMPLE, ........
B3:
However, It is not easy to bring about massive changes with small numbers (small numbers of what? people? resources? choices?). It is a fact that most environmentally conscious countries have strong government policies boasting big budgets allocated to clean green energy. But ultimately, (add comma) no action by the government would EVER be fruitful if the general public DID NOT ABIDE BY THE RULES.
CONC:
In my opinion, the state is as good as it's public and CAN ONLY mirror the opinion of the masses. I wholeheartedly agree that IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US TO CREATE a cleaner environment and no change can occur if people refuse to take action on an individual level.
Advice:
1. Try to write longer topic sentence (S1 of body paragraphs). Yours have about 10 words. Go for at least 20 words. In your B1 I combined the S1 and S2 into one sentence by using a relative clause.
2. Don't use double subjects i.e. "Our dietary habits, dependence on non recyclable products, burning of fossil fuels" = "All of these"
3. I'm not sure if there are two or three body paragraphs here.
Good essay. Very nice ideas!
TA: 7.5
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 7.5
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
IN THE LAST CENTURY OR SO, our environment has been disrupted and has already reached a damage point of no return. To say that individuals can do nothing to improve the situation and only governmentS and large companies can make a difference is not entirely true. This essay will discuss the importance of individual actions AND WHY THEY ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THOSE OF GOVERNMENTS.
B1:
We as inhabitants of earth have an individual carbon footprint WHICH directly contributes towards (delete 'the') global warming. Our dietary habits, dependence on non-recyclable (add hyphen) products, AND burning of fossil fuels (DELETE 'etc.') all (delete 'of these') directly have a polluting effect on our environment. To an extent, we have CONTROL over these actions, (add comma)and making educated, environmentally responsible choices would drastically reduce our carbon FOOTprint and (delete 'will') lead to less environmental pollution.
B2:
Moreover, it (small 'i') is us humans who are the primary consumers of earth's resources and it befalls on us to utilize them in a sustainable manner. The more educated you become about the implications of your actions on the climate, the better your choices become. FOR EXAMPLE, ........
B3:
However, It is not easy to bring about massive changes with small numbers (small numbers of what? people? resources? choices?). It is a fact that most environmentally conscious countries have strong government policies boasting big budgets allocated to clean green energy. But ultimately, (add comma) no action by the government would EVER be fruitful if the general public DID NOT ABIDE BY THE RULES.
CONC:
In my opinion, the state is as good as it's public and CAN ONLY mirror the opinion of the masses. I wholeheartedly agree that IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US TO CREATE a cleaner environment and no change can occur if people refuse to take action on an individual level.
Advice:
1. Try to write longer topic sentence (S1 of body paragraphs). Yours have about 10 words. Go for at least 20 words. In your B1 I combined the S1 and S2 into one sentence by using a relative clause.
2. Don't use double subjects i.e. "Our dietary habits, dependence on non recyclable products, burning of fossil fuels" = "All of these"
3. I'm not sure if there are two or three body paragraphs here.
Good essay. Very nice ideas!
TA: 7.5
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 7.5
