writing task 2 please evaluate

[leo7.5]

In the modern world, the image (photograph or film) is becoming a more powerful way of communicating than the written word.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Social media has drastically morphed the way we communicate with each other. Our texts are slowly being replaced by gifs and are emoji laden to further enhance the messaging experience. It is without a doubt true that in the modern world, a mere arrangement of words has become obsolete and images and other form of expressive media has taken the job of being primary moderators of communication.

"An image speaks a thousand words" , our ways of communication is a literal embodiment of this famous saying. Long gone are the days when texting was considered the preferable way of initiating conversations. Nowadays, thanks to the virtual space provided by platforms like Facebook and Instagram, people are able to share a photo on their timeline which is visible to all of their friends and followers. The gap of physical distance is being close virtually thanks to snapchat which specializes on picture based conversations.

However, there is still a generation which is incredibly fond of texting, especially the millennials and the generation older than them. Not to mention, the importance of e-mails and formal conversation which still is free from other sorts of expressive media. The idea of incorporating images, emojis or gifs in formal texts is still very frowned upon in a business settings and the surrounding prejudice is quite concrete to say the least.

In the end, no matter how hard we try to resist the great wave of change, we are bound to give in sooner than later. The advancement of technology and strong popularity of social media platforms has lead to an immense change in the way we communicate and it is evident that photographs, videos and other form of media has taken precedence over texts.

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission leo7.5!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
LATELY, the way we communicate with each other ON SOCIAL MEDIA HAS MORPHED INTO AN ENTIRELY NEW METHOD OF COMMUNICATION. Our texts are slowly being replaced by gifs and are BECOMING MORE AND MORE emoji-laden (add hyphen) to further enhance the messaging experience. It is without a doubt true that in the modern world, THE mere arrangement of words has become obsolete and images and other form of expressive media HAVE taken the job of being primary moderators of communication.

B1:
IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT "an image speaks a thousand words", AND our ways of communication ARE a literal embodiment of this famous saying. Long gone are the days when texting was considered the preferable way of initiating A conversation. Nowadays, thanks to the virtual space provided by platforms like Facebook and Instagram, people are able to share a photo on their timeline which is IMMEDIATELY visible to all of their friends and followers. The physical distance GAP is FURTHER being closeD virtually thanks to Snapchat which specializes IN picture-based (HYPHEN - this is an adjective) conversations.

B2:
However, there is still a generation which is incredibly fond of texting, especially the millennials and the generation THAT IS SLIGHTLY older than them, not to mention the importance of e-mails and formal conversation which ARE still free from other sorts of expressive media. The idea of incorporating images, emojis or gifs in formal texts is still very frowned upon in (delete 'a') business settings and the surrounding prejudice is quite concrete to say the least.

CONC:
In the end, no matter how hard we try to resist the great wave of change, we are bound to give in sooner RATHER than later. The advancement of technology and THE strong popularity of social media platforms has lead to an immense change in the way we communicate and it is evident that photographs, videos and other form of media HAVE NOW BEGUN TO taken precedence over texts.




Advice:
1. Be careful! "Morph" is an intransitive verb, not transitive verb. (No object necessary)
2. Be careful with subject + verb agreement and number. i.e. "have?/has? taken...." and "is?/are? a literal embodiment"
3. Make use of adverbs ... "immediately visible..."
4. Try to use more words when you talk about time - "have now begun to ..."

Band-score:.
TA: 7.5 (good conclusion where instead of taking a side, you point out the inevitability of this trend)
G: 7.5-8.0 (very very accurate apart from small mistakes with prepositions, s+v agreement, and articles
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0 ('not to mention' is used incorrectly)