Task 2: plz evaluate, people waste a lot of the food. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem?

[venki33]

Topic- In some countries, people waste a lot of the food that they buy in shops and restaurants. Why do you think this is? What can be done to solve this problem?

Below is my handwritten answer in 40 minutes.


In some countries a common observation is the sight of piles of food wasted in grocery stores, restaurants and even houses in some neigbourhoods. There are many reasons for this trend of unneccessary wastage. These reasons vary from people's mindset due to exccessiveness to imbalance in production and consumption. Thankfully there are many solutions to remedy this trend.

Firstly a significant reason for food waste is the way people think in countries where resources like wealth, food, medicines etc. are in surplus. The general notion is that since there is already exccess food produced, there is no harm in discarding especially if you made an error in judgement by taking more than needed. For example, in a restaurant that serves buffet, with so much food everywhere one can get greedy and take more than what they can consume. Therefore anything left on their plate is discarded. Similarly, in a grocery store, people buy in exccess because they have the resources, and end up throwing it in the garbage because they could not consume everything they bought before the end of the product's shelf life.

So in order to remediate this trend, there are many solutions that are new and some have already been implemented by governments. One such solution is to penalize a restaurant or a household that wastes a lot of food. This can deter people from buying or consuming in exccess. Another solution that can be implemented is raising social awareness in different public spheres. Starting from teaching younger generation in schools to conserve food, and using eye catching posters in places like grocery stores and restaurants that force people to think twice before buying food that may not be needed.

In conclusion some of these countries and their people must take a hard look at the amount of food that is being wasted. And implement strict measures to correct this appauling trend.

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission venki33!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
In some countries a common observation is the sight of .. IT IS COMMON TO SEE piles of food GONE TO WASTE in grocery stores, restaurants and even houses in some neigbourhoods. There are many reasons for this trend of unneccessary wastage, WHICH vary from people's mindset due to exccessiveness .. HAVING AN EXCESSIVELY WASTEFUL MINDSET to AN imbalance in production and consumption. Thankfully, (add comma) there are many solutions to remedy this trend.

B1:
Firstly a significant reason for food waste is the way people think in countries where THERE IS A SURPLUS OF resources like wealth, food, AND medicines (delete 'etc. are in surplus'). The general notion is that since there is already an exccessIVE AMOUNT OF food produced, there is no harm in discarding IT especially if you made an error in judgement by taking more than WHAT WAS/YOU needed. For example, in a restaurant that serves buffet-STYLE MEALS, with so much food everywhere one can get greedy and take more than what they can consume .. IS NEEDED TO FILL ONE'S STOMACH. Therefore, (add comma please!) anything left on THE plate is discarded. Similarly, in (delete 'a') grocery storeS, people OFTEN buy in excess because they have ENOUGH MONEY TO DO SO, and end up throwing it in the garbage because they could not consume everything they bought before the end of the product's shelf life.

B2:
So, (comma please!) in order to FIND A SOLUTION TO this trend, there are many solutions that are new and some THAT have already been implemented by governments. One such solution is to penalize a restaurant or a household that wastes a lot of food, WHICH can deter people from buying or consuming exccessIVE AMOUNTS. Another solution that can be implemented is raising social awareness in different public spheres. Starting WITH teaching THE younger generation to conserve food IN SCHOOL CLASSES, and using eye catching posters in places like grocery stores and restaurants that force people to think twice before buying food that may not be needed.

CONC:
In conclusion some of these countries and their people must take a hard look at the amount of food that is being wasted and (join these two together) implement strict measures to correct this APPALLING trend.



"This is a really nice, well thought out essay. The ideas are great, but I think the grammar is just slightly beyond your ability right now. But don't let that discourage you. Keep on aiming high like this! Really good."

Advice:
1. You are really reaching for some high level grammar which is great to see. However, I would say, sometimes reaching a little beyond your grasp can lead to mistakes, so just be a little careful! It might be better to write longer sentences by using simpler connecting language, rather than complicated embedded clauses and the like.
2. In the first sentence in your intro and the first sentence in your B1, I changed the structures to "It is..." and "There is...". This solves problems with sentence subjects.
3. Don't forget the sentence object to complete the sentence meaning ("...discarding IT ...")
4. It might be better to delete "so" from the beginning of B2, or even all of "So, (comma please!) in order to FIND A SOLUTION TO this trend,..."
5. Watch spelling like 'appalling'

Band-score:
TA: 7.5
G: 7.5 (I think you can easily raise it higher by following my advice in (1) above.)
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0 (Link more within sentences)

[venki33]

Thank you very much Anthony.

1) At the time of writing the essay after i plan my ideas, it is hard to see the forest for the trees. Therefore, i cannot create good sentence structures.
If i get more time to review, then i can rearrange by joining sentences.

2) Spelling is my weakness. I will probably have to lookup rules around spelling rather than memorize them.


I will follow your advice by doing more work on my essay writing skills.

Thank you.

Kaushik Venkata

[goldcoastielts]

You did very well though...

These ones might help:
https://youtu.be/slnYl_2WXjw (linking language)
https://youtu.be/VI3Qt9q3VsU (problem-solution essays)
https://youtu.be/fzlysmGLNXA (extended paragraphs)

Good luck!!