Task 1: Please evaluate and give your valuable feedback

[lucifer169]

Task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
People in your area are having problem! with their internet connection. Write a letter to the company which provides the connection. In your letter
• Describe the problem
• explain how they are affecting people
• Say what the company should do to help

You do not need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter like this -
Dear Sir or Madam,
Write at least 150 words.



Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you today about network troubles that we (my neighbors and I) have been facing with the internet service provided by Comcast.

The issues started happening almost a week ago. I personally never had a lot of connection issues before, but starting last week it has been unbearable. The internet gets dropped off sporadically and stops working, sometimes for tens of hours and no amount of modem or router restart can fix it. I consulted about this with my neighbors and they seem to be facing similar problems.

Given the global pandemic going on, working from home has become the new norm. That unfortunately has created a huge dependency on the internet services has created a huge dependency on the internet services that power our homes, making it extremely essential. Without internet, we literally can not work, which forces us to take unpaid vacations.

I urge you to fix this issue as soon as possible by sending some technician to investigate and fix the connections. Additionally, it would be great if you could put in a secondary channel in too to ensure continued services even if the primary channel was down.

Looking forward to having the issue fixed as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,
Lucifer Morningstar

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission lucifer169!! Please see my rewrite below ...

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you today about SOME network trouble (delete the plural 's') that we (my neighbors and I) have been HAVING with the internet service provided by Comcast.

The issues started happening almost a week ago, AND ALTHOUGH I personally never had a lot of connection issues before, (delete 'but') starting last week it has been unbearable. The internet (delete 'gets dropped off') DROPS OFF sporadically and stops working, sometimes for (delete 'tens of hours') DAYS AT A TIME and no amount of modem or router restartING can fix it. I consulted (delete 'about this') with my neighbors ABOUT THIS and they seem to be facing similar problems.

Given the global pandemic WHICH IS going on AT THE MOMENT, working from home has become the new norm. THIS (move 'unfortunately') has UNFORTUNATELY created a huge dependency on the internet services (delete 'has created a huge dependency on the internet services') that power our homes (delete ', making it') AND ARE extremely essential. Without THE internet, we literally can not work, which forces us to take unpaid vacation (delete plural 's').

I urge you to fix this issue as soon as possible by sending some technicianS to investigate and fix the connections. Additionally, it would be great if you could put (delete 'in') a secondary channel in too to ensure continued services even if the primary channel OCCASIONALLY GOES down.

WE ARE ALL looking forward to having the issue fixed as soon as possible.

Yours faithfully,
Lucifer Morningstar



This is definitely a great little letter Lucifer Morningstar. I especially like the level of formality that you employed to write it - perfect!

Advice:
1. We usually 'face' problems, not trouble.
2. Try to avoid really short sentences like the one that begins paragraph 2. It is better to connect with a conjunction or two like I did.
3. Phrasal verbs like 'drop off' can be really tricky. This one here is an intransitive so doesn't 'get' dropped off by somebody or something. It just happens automatically.
4. In the third paragraph you said "THAT has...". It feels like 'that' is referring to something very far away, or in another paragraph, so 'this' is a better choice here.
5. "some + uncountable/plural" - "some technicians"

Band-score:
TA: 7.5
G: 7.0
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0