Writing general test both Task 1 and 2.

[Linyi]

Hi, below are both my attempts for task 1 and 2 for general writing test. Please evaluate both my essays and I would not be further appreciated. Thank you so much for your time.

[TASK 1]: You recently borrowed something from a friend. Unfortunately, the item has become damaged. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter

remind your friend that you borrowed something from him/her
explain how the item became damaged
suggest how you can resolve the issue of the damaged item

Letter:

Dear Jin,

I hope you are doing well and staying safe.

I am writing this letter to you to give you a reminder that I borrowed a brand new comic book from you five days ago. Unfortunately, I was drinking water while reading it one night and accidentally spilled the water on a few pages of the book. Those pages have dried up until now but they appear to be damaged and creased with some blurry images and no longer in a good form.

I am apologizing for this accidental event. I would be grateful if you please allow me to return you a brand new same comic book next week. Thank you for lending me the book and I will be more careful from now on.

I hope to see you soon. Take care my friend.

Kind regards,
Elty Linyi.

[TASK 2]: Today, TV channels provide man’s sports show more than women’s sports show. Why? Should TV channel give equal time to women’s sport and men’s sport? (at least 250 words)
Essay:

It is undeniable that recently many sport channels related to men have been provided and shown more on TV than women, which causes a debate among viewers about whether a fair amount of time should be divided between these two main genders' shows. I believe a balanced time frame should be distributed equally to both men's and women's sport shows.

The mainly obvious reason leading to this unequal time show would be about viewers' interests. It has been known that women and men do not share a lot of things in common and sport is one of them. While men seem to be more in favor of watching sport-related shows, women appear to be fond of other types of channels such as cooking, gardening, decorating, beauty, or drama related stuffs. Thus, television channel providers have to consider this factor and deal with the time frame of certain shows in order to match with the diverse and different tastes of audiences.

Despite the fact that most women do not have preference for sport channels, there are still some showing the same enthusiasm and eagerness to watch sports as men. The popularity of soccer and basketball to men does not guarantee that women will also like to watch sport shows about football and basketball. Due to different tastes, some women may lean towards more about other sporty activities such as ping pong, badminton, climbing, etc., and want to watch more shows about these certain sports than others. Therefore, sport programs for women can have different content compared to that of men, which places an equal time distribution in need to suit the variety of sex's interests.

In conclusion, both genders might share the same and also different choices when it comes to sports. Hence, TV channels should provide equal amount of time for sport shows to meet the demands from both males and females.

Word count: 311 words (task 2).

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission Linyi!! Please see my rewrite below ...

Dear Jin,

I hope you are doing well and staying safe.

I am writing this letter to you to (delete "give you a reminder") REMIND YOU that I borrowed a brand new comic book from you five days ago. Unfortunately, I was drinking water while reading it one night and accidentally spilled the water on a few pages IN the book. Those pages have ALREADY dried up (delete "until now") but they appear to be damaged and creased with some blurry images and ARE no longer in (change "a good form") PERFECT CONDITION.

I (delete "am apologizing") REALLY WANT TO APOLOGISE for this accidental event. I would be grateful if you (delete "please allow") COULD LET me to BUY you THE SAME brand new same comic book next week. Thank you for lending me the book and I will be more careful from now on.

I hope to see you soon. Take care my friend.

Kind regards,
Elty Linyi.



Advice:
1. I think one of the main problems is this letter is probably too short. It's probably only about 100-120 words, so make sure your write 150 words next time!
2. It's a good idea to use a more informal style in this letter because it is to a friend. Please see the YOUTUBE video in the link above.

Band-score:
TA: 5.5 (word count)
G: 7.0
V: 7.0
CC: 6.0




INTRO:
It is undeniable that NOWADAYS many MORE sport channels related to men THAN WOMEN ARE BEING PROVIDED on TV, which HAS CAUSED a debate among viewers about whether a fair amount of time should be divided between THE shows OF THESE TWO GENDERS. I believe a balanced AMOUNT OF time should be distributed (delete "equally") to both men's and women's sport shows.

B1:
The MAIN obvious reason leading to this unequal time COULD BE RELATED TO THE INTERESTS OF viewers. It IS WELL known that women and men do not share a lot of things in common and sport is one of them. While men seem to be more in favor of watching sport-related shows, women appear to be fond of other types of channels such as cooking, gardening, decorating, beauty, or drama related stuffs. Thus, television channel providers have to consider this factor and deal with the time frame of certain shows in order to match (delete "with") the diverse and different tastes of audience SEGMENTS.

B2:
ON THE OTHER HAND, despite the fact that most women do not have A preference for sport channels, (delete "there are still") some OF THEM STILL SHOW the same enthusiasm and eagerness to watch sports as men. The popularity of soccer and basketball WITH men does not guarantee that women will also like to watch sport shows about football and basketball, SO BECAUSE OF THESE different tastes, some women may lean MORE towards (delete "about") other sporty activities such as ping pong, badminton, climbing, etc., and want to watch more shows about these certain sports than others. Therefore, sport programs for women COULD have different content compared to that of men, which GIVES an equal time distribution (delete "in need") to suit the variety of INTERESTS DEPENDING ON THE SEX OF THE INDIVIDUAL.

CONC:
In conclusion, THE TWO genders might SOMETIMES share the same and AT OTHER TIMES different choices when it comes to sports. Hence, TV channels should provide equal amountS of time for sport shows to meet the demands from both males and females.



Advice:
1. Try to use "Noun of Noun" rather than "noun's + noun"
2. The grammar is generally very very high. Good job! Sometimes your strucutres just got a little confused in the middle or end parts. please check the capitalised corrections for pointers.

Band-score:
TA: 7.5
G: 8.0
V: 8.0
CC: 7.0 (little robotic at times, and missing in some places)

[Linyi]

Thank you so much for taking your time to evaluate my essays and give me great advice. I will try better next time.
Thank you a lot!.

[goldcoastielts]

No worries.
Good luck with the test!