The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or disagree?

[shabi1]

The internet has revolutionized how people go about their daily activities, and this includes shopping. I am inclined to agree with the position that states that the boom of online shopping will cause the traditional shops to close. The ease and variety of goods provided by online vendors further solidifies this opinion.
The primary advantages provided by shopping online is the ease and convenience. Making payment for items on a website, especially an e-commerce has less hassle, as customers just need to input their Card details. For example, Jumia offers delivery-to-doorstep to buyers who pay through electronic means. This makes purchasing items very simple. Another reason why buying items electronically could lead to closure of business resident in towns and cities is the variety of goods displayed by online vendors. To cite an instance, watches and clothes available on Alibaba, always have a cornucopia of options in terms of design. Hence, allowing purchases to be made according to taste and preference, not availability, as found in physical trading points.
The proponents of physical shops cite security and delivery as the biggest opposing factors to the full dominance of online shopping. This however is not true, as online shops take extra measures to protect the integrity of their stores by employing the services of security providers. Research points that Amazon spends a good part of it’s revenue to ensure transactions carried out on it’s site is secured. On the count of delivery, online vendors provide a more seamless experience in this aspect. For instance, Jumia partners with DHL on delivery and logistics.
To Conclude, Online Shopping has become a great part of our lives due to the easiness and protection it provides to users. Hence, this could lead to extinction of traditional shopping in the nearest future.

[goldcoastielts]

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Thanks for your submission shabi1!! Please see my rewrite below ...

INTRO:
The internet has revolutionized how people go about their daily activities, and this includes shopping. I am inclined to agree with the position that states that the boom of online shopping will cause (delete "the") traditional shops to close. The ease and variety of goods provided by online vendors further solidifies this opinion.

B1:
The primary advantages provided by shopping online ARE (delete "the") ease and convenience. Making payment for items on a website, especially (delete "an e-commerce") ONE WITH E-COMMERCE CAPABILITIES, has less hassle, as customers ONLY need to input their (change "Card") credit card details. For example, Jumia offers delivery-to-doorstep to buyers who pay through electronic means WHICH makes purchasing items very simple. Another reason why buying items electronically could lead to closure of BUSINESSES (delete "resident") in towns and cities is the variety of goods OFFERED by online vendors. To cite an EXAMPLE, watches and clothes available on Alibaba, always have a cornucopia of options in terms of design. Hence, allowing purchases to be made according to taste and preference, not availability, (delete "as found in physical trading points:) IS ONE OF THE KEY TRADING POINTS OF ONLINE SHOPPING.

B2:
The proponents of physical shops cite security and delivery as the biggest opposing factors to the full dominance of online shopping. This however, (add comma) is not true, as online shops take extra measures to protect the integrity of their stores by employing the services of security providers. Research points OUT that Amazon spends a good part of ITS revenue to ensure transactions carried out on ITS site ARE secured. (DELETE "On the count of delivery") FURTHERMORE, WHEN IT COMES TO DELIVERY, online vendors provide a more seamless experience in this aspect. For instance, Jumia partners with DHL on delivery and logistics.

CONC:
To Conclude (small 'c' please!), Online Shopping (small 'o' and 's' please!) has become a great part of our lives due to the EASE and protection it provides to users. Hence, this could lead to THE extinction of traditional shopping in the NEAR future.



This is a great essay. The strong points are the overall structure and ideas, as well as the high level of vocabulary. Weaker points include the slightly mechanical cohesion and coherence, and simple grammar errors.

Advice:
1. Although the grammar was of a very high level, there were still some small mistakes that were repeated. This points to fossilised errors which can only be fixed through conscious awareness. These errors are unfortunately just the thing that will prevent you from scoring 8.0+ in the exam.

Band-score:
TA: 8.0
G: 7.0
V: 7.5
CC: 6.5

[shabi1]

Thank you so much