Please Evaluate Writing Task1

Post your Task 1 or 2 response and/or read the responses of other students and provide feedback.
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kanchanjunga
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2021 5:45 pm

Please Evaluate Writing Task1

Post by kanchanjunga »

Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter
explain the reasons for the noise
apologise
describe what action you will take

Dear Friends,
I am writing this letter on the concerns expressed over the noise from our flat for the last few days.
I have purchased a flat a couple of months before in Bollineni Phase 1, Block 30 Unit 301. I have engaged a carpenter to furnish living room, 2 bed rooms and Kitchen. Carpenter along with Plumber has to do some digging work to insert pipes in Kitchen to drain water from the sink. It involves the usage of drilling machines which are causing noise and troubling neighbourhood.
I sincerely apologize for putting all of you in distress situation. I am sure children will be studying for their final exams. Also, noticed elderly couple in a couple of apartments and young couple with an infant. Deafening noise would be traumatizing for elderly people and infants.
I am planning to restrict the work hours from morning 8 am to 1 pm and 5 pm to 8 pm to ensure it does not cause inconvenience during afternoons and night.
Hope all of you are fine with this schedule. Please feel free to contact me @ 1234567, should changes be made.
Look forward to your favourable reply.
Yours faithfully,
Kanchan
goldcoastielts
Posts: 206
Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 1:34 am
Location: Gold Coast, Australia
Contact:

Re: Please Evaluate Writing Task1

Post by goldcoastielts »

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Thanks for your submission kanchanjunga!! Please see my rewrite below ... :ugeek:

Dear Friends,

I am writing this letter REGARDING the concerns YOU HAVE expressed over the noise COMING from our flat OVER the last few days.

I (delete 'have purchased a flat a couple of months before in Bollineni Phase 1, Block 30 Unit 301') HAVE JUST PURCHASED THE FLAT AND have HAD TO ENGAGE a carpenter to furnish THE living room, THE 2 bed rooms and THE kitchen. THE carpenter along with A plumber has HAD to do some digging work to insert pipes in THE kitchen to drain water from the sink, AND THIS involves USING drilling machines which are causing THE noise and troubling THE neighbourhood.

I sincerely apologize for putting all of you in SUCH A distressING situation AS I am sure THE children will be studying for their final exams. Also, I noticed AN elderly couple in a couple of apartments and A young couple with an infant. THE deafening noise would be QUITE traumatizing for (delete 'elderly people and infants') THESE PEOPLE.

I am planning to restrict the work hours from 8am IN THE MORNING to 1 pm and ALSO FROM 5 pm to 8 pm to ensure it does not cause inconvenience during afternoons and AT night.

Hope all of you are fine with this schedule. Please feel free to contact me @ 1234567, should changes NEED TO be made.

Look forward to your favourable reply.
Yours faithfully,
Kanchan



:ugeek: This is quite a good task 1. Follow the advice below and it will definitely get a higher score. :ugeek:

Advice:
1. Try to make better use of paragraphing. I have added a YouTube link above to help with this problem.
2. In many sentences you didn't add words that should have been there, especially when it cam to the perfect tense.
3. Don't forget to use articles properly - "the plumber/a plumber" ...


Band-score:
TA: 6.0
G: 6.0
V: 6.5
CC: 5.5
Anthony Schultz :arrow: :arrow:
Full-time IELTS teacher | Gold Coast, Australia
www.goldcoastielts.com
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