Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
ESSAY:
Today the world moves and changes at a high speed. Everyday life is full of commitments, both at work and at home. Even in the past, when the world was slower than today, people were full of work. Both in the past and in the present, people take breaks or free time. Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles while others fell that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. I think free time is essential, however you decide to spend it.
On the one hand, I believe activities that improve your mind are important, because keeping the mind trained serves to remain lucid and not to age the brain in order to avoid disease when you are old.
For example, I'm a student and when I am not studying or attending a lesson, I like to read a non-school book or solve a crossword puzzle because I have found that it relaxes me and helps me to assimilate what i have studied.
On the other hand, many people have stressful jobs. They believe that it is good to rest the mind duringe leisure time. Therefore, they would like to relax during leisure time, so they do not want to do anything within this time. They think they need to rest. Many people are lazy, for this reason, they do not keen to do activities to improve the mind and this leads to the mind becoming lazy as well as the body. For instance reading a book and doing sudoku puzzles.
In conclusion, both sides have their reasons for their arguments. Personally, I would suggest a good balance between rest and mental exercise, so as to enhance the mind and not age it.
Please evaluate Writing Task 2
-
goldcoastielts
- Posts: 206
- Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2020 1:34 am
- Location: Gold Coast, Australia
- Contact:
Re: Please evaluate Writing Task 2
Visit ThisCourse for IELTS and PTE!!
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission dbuiasl123!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
THESE DAYS the world IS MOVING AND CHANGING at a high speed. Everyday life is full of commitments, both at work and at home. Even in the past, when the world was slower than today, people were EXTREMELY BUSY WITH work. Both in the past and in the present, people WOULD take breaks or free time. Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles while others FEEL that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. I think free time is essential, however A PERSON DECIDES to spend it.
B1:
On the one hand, I believe activities that improve your mind are important, because keeping the mind trained HELPS ONE to remain lucid and KEEP the brain in order to avoid disease when you are old.
For example, I'm a student and when I am not studying or attending a lesson, I like to read a non-school book or solve a crossword puzzle because I have found that it relaxes me and helps me to assimilate what i have studied.
B2:
On the other hand, many people have stressful jobs. They believe that it is good to rest the mind during leisure time. Therefore, they would like to relax during leisure time, so they do not want to do anything within this time. They think they need to rest. Many people are lazy, AND for this reason, they ARE not keen to do activities to improve the mind and this leads to the mind, AS WELL AS THE BODY, becoming lazy. For instance reading a book and doing sudoku puzzles.
CONC:
In conclusion, both sides have their reasons for their arguments. Personally, I would suggest a good balance between rest and mental exercise, so as to enhance the mind and not LET IT AGE.
This is a great essay!
Advice:
1. Don't add sentences that don't really connect to anything, for example, the last sentence of body 2.
2. The introduction is probably a bit too long. It should be about the same length as the conclusion.
3. The bodies need to be a bit longer with better evidence and connecting.
Band-score:
TA: 7.0
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 6.0
Homepage: https://www.this-course.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbVrKy ... LmQirBfSTw
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thiscoursesocial/
Thanks for your submission dbuiasl123!! Please see my rewrite below ...
INTRO:
THESE DAYS the world IS MOVING AND CHANGING at a high speed. Everyday life is full of commitments, both at work and at home. Even in the past, when the world was slower than today, people were EXTREMELY BUSY WITH work. Both in the past and in the present, people WOULD take breaks or free time. Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles while others FEEL that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. I think free time is essential, however A PERSON DECIDES to spend it.
B1:
On the one hand, I believe activities that improve your mind are important, because keeping the mind trained HELPS ONE to remain lucid and KEEP the brain in order to avoid disease when you are old.
For example, I'm a student and when I am not studying or attending a lesson, I like to read a non-school book or solve a crossword puzzle because I have found that it relaxes me and helps me to assimilate what i have studied.
B2:
On the other hand, many people have stressful jobs. They believe that it is good to rest the mind during leisure time. Therefore, they would like to relax during leisure time, so they do not want to do anything within this time. They think they need to rest. Many people are lazy, AND for this reason, they ARE not keen to do activities to improve the mind and this leads to the mind, AS WELL AS THE BODY, becoming lazy. For instance reading a book and doing sudoku puzzles.
CONC:
In conclusion, both sides have their reasons for their arguments. Personally, I would suggest a good balance between rest and mental exercise, so as to enhance the mind and not LET IT AGE.
This is a great essay! Advice:
1. Don't add sentences that don't really connect to anything, for example, the last sentence of body 2.
2. The introduction is probably a bit too long. It should be about the same length as the conclusion.
3. The bodies need to be a bit longer with better evidence and connecting.
Band-score:
TA: 7.0
G: 7.5
V: 7.5
CC: 6.0
